Trying to Reconcile

If you're emotionally ready to divorce, you should say so. Hedging your position by saying you want to separate for a little while because you need some space is deceitful. If you hold out false hope to your spouse, your spouse will have a hard time trusting you once that hope is destroyed. Separation rarely leads to reconciliation.

It makes sense that couples would choose one last try to save a difficult relationship rather than face the unknown. Most couples make a significant investment in their relationship, and a sense of attachment continues even when the love and excitement are gone. That's why many divorcing couples try to reconcile even after one has filed for divorce.

Successful reconciliation requires the help of a talented therapist, and even then, the prospects for success are dim. Too many past hurts, too much damaged trust, too much focus on the shortcomings of the other spouse interferes. The most positive results of reconciliation counseling are often a better understanding of why the marriage failed and acceptance that it is over.

Successful reconciliation works only if both parties want the marriage to work. If your spouse truly wants the divorce and you try to force her into therapy to save the marriage, you're only going to end up hurting yourself. You can't force your spouse to stay with you if the decision has been made. You can't force your spouse to withdraw a divorce action.

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