Once you've told the children about the divorce and reassured them you have a plan for taking care of them, you'd better develop that plan. If you're one of the lucky ones, you've been able to sit down with your spouse and work out how you'll take care of the children after you separate. Unfortunately, many divorcing parents are too caught up in their own issues to give much thought to a plan for their children until the separation is imminent or has already happened.

It's common for a dad who has taken his role as a father for granted to suddenly realize how important his children are. He may want to spend every evening with them, either at the marital home or at his new place. He may want them to live with him, even though historically he has been mostly a Sunday afternoon parent.

Mom may be feeling overwhelmed and resentful of the responsibilities about to fall in her lap. She's probably facing taking care of the house, the kids, and her job — by herself. She's probably worrying about money, too. She may be feeling more protective toward the children and may not want the children to be out of her control. As a result she may not want Dad to have so much time with the children.

These are normal responses to a divorce, but they make it harder to negotiate a parenting plan, especially if you've never done it before. You need to know your options, and you need to evaluate your children's needs based on their ages and developmental levels.