Rules for the Courtroom
There are some helpful guidelines for how to conduct yourself when you give or listen to testimony.
Rules for Testifying
If you can follow these rules when you testify, you'll do a better job.
Listen to the question, then answer it. Don't volunteer additional information. Answer the question asked. Don't begin an answer about your behavior with, “My spouse …”
Pause before answering questions to give your lawyer time to object. If two people talk at the same time, it's a nightmare for a court reporter or a tape recorder to sort out who's talking.
Look at the judge when you speak. This is the person you want to hear you.
Don't try to match wits with your spouse's lawyer. She has been doing this for a long time, or at least longer than you have. This is her turf. You may win a skirmish but lose the war with smart retorts. You will also appear confrontational to the judge, which will not help him form a positive opinion about you.
Don't argue with the attorneys or the judge — especially not the judge.
If you need a break, ask for it.
If you have children, always refer to them as “our” children, never “my” children.
Maintain your composure. It's acceptable to show emotion as you discuss upsetting or frightening events, but keep it in check.
Testifying in court is scary and stressful. It's important to remember you're trying to give information to help the judge decide contested issues. The judge doesn't have to like you, but he does need to understand the facts of what happened. Keep in mind that he really isn't interested in your spouse's small failings unless they resulted in the health department or social services getting involved. Tell the judge what he needs to know, then stop.
When the Other Side Testifies
Have a pad of paper and pen ready. If the witness says something you disagree with, make a note. Don't elbow your lawyer or whisper in her ear, because this will distract her from following the testimony. Don't roll your eyes, flail your arms, breathe heavily, make comments under your breath, or proclaim that your spouse is lying. Let your lawyer do her job.
The judge will watch you while your spouse testifies. Remember that the judge pays attention to nonverbal as well as verbal communication. Try to let your reactions be genuine. Don't make faces. Don't make comments, and don't shoot your spouse evil looks from across the room.
When your spouse's lawyer finishes examining the witness, you and your lawyer can confer briefly before your lawyer begins cross-examination. This is the time to have your lawyer review your notes on issues on which you and your spouse may have very different perceptions of certain events of your marriage.
