What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used by the batterer for the purposes of maintaining power and control over the victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year, and the majority (85 percent) of family violence victims are female. Domestic violence can take many forms, including verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and economic abuse and stalking.
Power imbalances in a relationship can sometimes lead to psychological abuse. One spouse belittles the other, and the abusive spouse may even try to limit the victim's contact with others. As a result, the victim begins to believe the criticism. Her sense of self diminishes, and the abuser's ability to control her grows.
Some examples of abusive behavior include the following:
Constant criticism of appearance or skills
Name calling or other demeaning statements
Displays of extreme jealousy
Threats to harm you or people and things that you care about
Controlling where you go and who you see all the time
Preventing you from working or going to school
Denying you access to medication or health care
Denying you access to funds, credit cards, and financial resources
Destroying your personal property
Physically hurting you
Using physical force to intimidate you
Using your children to try to control your behavior
Forcing you to have sex
Following you to and from your home or job
Showering you with unwanted and unsolicited gifts
Calling, e-mailing, or texting you repeatedly
This list is not meant to be comprehensive and only provides some examples of abusive behavior and stalking. If you are being treated in a way you feel is abusive, it probably is.
Although many victims may have similar experiences of domestic violence, each victim's abuse can be dramatically different. Typically, abuse escalates over time and increases in duration and intensity. Abusive behavior may be random and unpredictable or it may be present all the time. Sometimes an abuser may not have been physically violent but may try to maintain total control over a victim, deciding who you see, where you go, if you can work, what you buy, and if you are allowed access to family funds. Control is maintained by threats or intimidation.
Some victims may experience a cyclic pattern of abuse. It can take weeks or months to go through the cycle. An abuser may be kind and loving for a time, but anger begins to escalate. This usually ends with some critical event — perhaps a physical or sexual assault on the victim. It is followed by apologies and promises to change, and the cycle begins again.
In many cases, there is no cycle at all. While victims' experiences and batterers' behavior may differ from case to case, if your spouse is engaging in behaviors that are designed to maintain power and control over you, then you are a victim of domestic violence.
If I look for information on the Internet, will my abuser know?It is quite possible that your abuser can track your movements on your computer. Even if you think you have erased your tracks, there may still be hidden files on your computer that will show where you have been. Use a computer at a friend's or the local library if you are afraid of being caught by your abuser.
To find out where to get help in your state, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Most states also have a domestic violence hotline that can refer you to local services. That number can usually be found in the phone book, on the Internet, or by calling information. If you are afraid for your safety or the safety of your children, find out how to get help. If you are speaking to a lawyer, ask him what steps you can take to protect yourself.
