New Attitudes Toward Victims
For many years, domestic violence victims stayed in abusive relationships because they believed they had no other choice. The typical victim was an unemployed woman with minimal job skills and no ability to support herself and her children. She had no safe place to go. She knew cries for help were likely to be dismissed by others: “You must have done something to make him mad” or “It's your duty to abide by your marriage vows.”
She knew if she tried to leave, her husband (her abuser) would track her down and would probably beat her badly as punishment. She lived a terrible life of fear and pain, never knowing what might trigger an outburst. Sometimes the only reason a victim would seek help was to protect her children from the violence.
Today, laws provide protection to domestic violence victims. The laws of all states permit victims to get restraining orders either through a criminal or family court proceeding. The rules about how to obtain a restraining order differ from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. You will need to check with your local court regarding the options available in your state.
Many protection orders issued in domestic violence cases are good for only one year. If the abuser continues to threaten harm or violates the terms of the order, it can be extended. Depending on the facts of your case, you may be able to get the court to issue a longer order. Check with your attorney or the district attorney to see if your case qualifies.
In many states, a restraining order can also include an award of custody, child support, or spousal maintenance for the victim, helping the victim and the children to survive financially. The abuser can be ordered to stay out of the family home, giving the victim and the children a safe place to live. Sometimes the abuser is ordered to stay away from the children's schools and to have no contact at all with the victim. The prohibited contact can include all forms of communication such as telephone calls, letters, and e-mails.
The Criminal Justice Response
In the last twenty years the criminal justice system has become more sophisticated in its understanding and treatment of domestic violence. Significant money and energy have gone into educating law enforcement and court personnel. The police no longer assume a woman struck by her husband must have done something to deserve it. Instead of walking him around the block to cool off, they arrest him.
In every jurisdiction around the country, laws are in place to protect victims of domestic violence who are harassed, threatened, or assaulted by their abusers. Batterers who are found guilty are placed on probation or receive jail time depending on the severity of the crime. Restraining orders are routinely issued to victims in order to offer them additional protection from further abuse.
If your spouse is arrested, you are probably going to want to know when he is released so you can take steps to protect yourself from retaliation. Many jurisdictions have a victim notification system that will call you when he is released. Ask the district attorney if this service exists in your area. Be aware that these systems sometimes fail, so don't rely on them completely.
Safety Planning
Think about safety and what you will do to protect yourself and your children, particularly as you move forward with a divorce. Safety planning means thinking about every possible scenario and what additional steps you need to take to stay safe. From how you get from your car to the front door of your house at night to what you would do if your spouse broke into your house, safety planning could save your life. While the thought of safety planning can be overwhelming and terrifying, there are people who can help. Your local domestic violence service agency will have advocates who have received special training in safety planning that can help you work out your own personalized safety plan.
While a restraining order is a good way to protect victims, it is only a piece of paper. Even after you obtain a restraining order, you should do safety planning just in case your spouse decides to violate the order. That way you will be prepared and know what to do just in case the worst happens.
Victim Service Providers
Support networks for domestic violence victims exist in all states. Shelter and safe homes are widely available and offer victims and their children a safe place to stay for weeks or even months while they look for housing and employment or wait for a court date to get a restraining order that will let them return to their home. Advocates trained in domestic abuse law; safety planning; and the practicalities of finding housing, child care, employment training, and the money to pay for them are accessible through most shelter programs. Advocates often accompany victims to the courthouse to help them fill out the necessary papers and attend hearings. In addition to safe shelter, many of these programs have nonresidential services that offer the same kinds of supportive services to victims who don't need shelter.
