Statistics show the most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is when she's trying to get out of the abusive situation. This includes the time period following the issuance of a restraining order. The abuser's behavior can get very scary, violent, and even deadly. In the worst case scenario, the abuser decides, “If I can't have her, nobody can have her” and takes steps to isolate or kill her. Sometimes children end up in the middle of this violence.

In other cases, abusers may go to great lengths to try to gain an advantage in the divorce case. Some may think that if they can win custody and many of the assets, the victim will return home and they will be able to maintain their control. For example, if a divorce is filed, the abuser is likely to hide as much of the marital estate as he can and try to convince the kids their mother is to blame for the destruction of the family. This type of abusive father is especially likely to persuade teenage sons to side with him. Children, particularly boys, are easy targets because they have been raised in a setting where their mother is constantly demeaned and belittled. Having witnessed this kind of behavior from their father for a long time, they may now believe that it is acceptable for them to treat their mother the same way.

Domestic Violence and Custody

You may think that a judge will automatically give you custody if you are a victim of domestic violence, but this is not always true. Abusive spouses often try to characterize domestic violence as an angry outburst or a onetime thing. Some deny it altogether and are often successful. Because it is often hard to prove, you may have trouble even getting the judge to believe your story. If your spouse has been arrested or there are witnesses or other evidence that supports your claim, it will be easier. But because domestic violence often happens behind closed doors, you may not have any evidence. Talk to your lawyer about a strategy for dealing with this situation. If you can prove that your spouse is an abuser, the judge will probably award you sole legal custody. Most judges understand that joint parenting is impossible when one parent abuses the other.

This is a very difficult part of the law, and you should try and find a lawyer who is familiar with domestic violence cases. Don't be afraid to ask that question when you are interviewing lawyers. Also, don't be afraid to ask your lawyer to tell you how he defines domestic violence. This may tell you a lot about the kind of lawyer you are hiring and whether he has the skills to represent you.