An experience like this will help you understand that by going to court you lose control of your divorce. Think how it felt to sit in the corridor while your lawyer met with the judge. They were talking about your life, your future, and you weren't able to provide input or even meet the judge. Did your lawyer say the right things? Did he tell the judge how bad and unreasonable your spouse was? Did he defend you or did he let your spouse's lawyer do all the talking? You won't know the answers to any of these questions, which is why you need to find a lawyer you can trust. If you go to trial, you'll turn all decision making over to the judge. Compromise looks better and better. At least you'll know everything that is going on.

Judges like to have clients and their lawyers work on a settlement, so they'll usually let you take some time, sometimes all day, to try to resolve issues. Because you'll experience a letdown if you never see the judge, you'll want your lawyer to ask the judge's clerk if all of you can go into chambers at the appointed hour. If you all hear what the judge has to say, you'll all get the same direction, which may help resolve or at least narrow issues. And you'll at least meet the judge who is probably going to try your case and get some sense of what he is like. If you don't get to meet the judge, you will have to rely on your lawyer for information. Listen carefully and make sure that what she is saying sounds reasonable. If there are options you can see that she hasn't mentioned, don't be afraid to say so.