Deciding to Settle Your Divorce
There's some evidence that simply going to the courthouse encourages settlement. Judges like to say a chance to settle exists every time parties come to court. Pressure of the upcoming trial and fear of the unknown is strong. You could get vibes you don't like from the judge, and you may finally understand you'll be letting this person make decisions that will affect your future. You may well decide negotiating a deal is a good idea. Going to court can also make parties angrier. If you feel your partner is becoming angry and threatening, make sure to tell your lawyer.
Narrowing the Issues
Whatever your decision — going to pretrial or asking for more time — you and your lawyer may decide this would be a good time to meet with the other side. You probably don't need to have all discovery done to talk settlement. Agreements can be made about the division of assets even if you don't have the final numbers. At the very least, you may be able to reach some agreements and clarify disagreements. The more you agree on means the less you have to fight about at trial. Lawyers call this narrowing the issues.
Try not to let your emotions get in the way while trying to settle. You should always stay focused on your objectives. Present the issues in a clear manner and suggest a realistic resolution. This is not the time to anger your spouse or make her jealous, and it is definitely not the time to harass her.
A list of agreements and disagreements can help you focus on preparing good, clear information in areas of contention so you and your lawyer can prepare an organized argument for the court. It also allows you to focus your resources on gathering evidence and preparing testimony on a limited number of points. You're much more likely to persuade the judge if he understands what your side is saying. This means presenting clear testimony and supporting evidence when possible.
Partial Agreement
If you have a conference with the other side and reach some agreements, one of the lawyers will draft a partial stipulation. This document sets forth agreements made at the meeting, and is signed by both parties and their lawyers. It becomes part of the court file. Be sure you read the stipulation carefully before you sign it, because you'll have a very hard time changing agreements afterwards. Also remember that it is never too late to change agreements or go to trial before you place your name on the dotted line. Once you've signed your name, you're committed.
Most court rules require divorcing parties and their lawyers to discuss settlement before a pretrial hearing, but they often don't get around to it. Some judges will assess fines if spouses haven't gotten together to talk before pretrial. Other judges will require the parties and their lawyers to use the pretrial time to discuss settlement, then set a new pretrial date.
Lawyers write in legalese, so if you don't understand parts of the agreement, be sure your lawyer explains them. Don't settle for something that is unclear or vague just to save money. If you sign an agreement that doesn't work for you, the money you would have spent going to trial will pale in comparison to what you will probably spend trying to change it. If something in the agreement is different from what you thought you'd agreed to, discuss this new wrinkle with your lawyer. If it's not a major deal, maybe you'll want to accept it rather than jeopardize the rest of the agreements. However, if it is a major deal, don't sign the agreement until this item has been dealt with to your satisfaction.
