To Court or Not to Court
Even if you don't need the ex parte restraining orders, you and your lawyer might decide you need some rules to govern behavior during the divorce. Say you're afraid your spouse will try to keep you from seeing the children, and you're also concerned your spouse will continue to spend money you don't have staying in a house you can't afford. You know your spouse will be really angry when the divorce papers are served, but you tried discussing your situation before going to a lawyer and it didn't work out. What can you do?
Temporary Orders
You can try to negotiate rules that will govern your family's behavior during the divorce. If your spouse hires a lawyer, the four of you can meet to discuss a temporary arrangement. The lawyers can also develop a plan and present it to you and your spouse. You'll want to decide who will live in the marital home, when the children will be with each of you, how you'll pay for two homes, what funds can be used, what documents need to be exchanged, and what property needs to be valued by a third person.
Rather than a gazillion affidavits, find a positive way to take out your frustration and anger. For every angry statement, retort, or sarcastic criticism you want to level at your spouse, do a lap around the track or an extra lap at the pool. Exercise is a great stress reliever and a way to relieve your frustration outside the courts.
If it's possible to negotiate a temporary arrangement, one of the lawyers will draft a document called a stipulation for temporary relief, stipulation and temporary order, or interim agreement, which is then signed by the judge. You, your spouse, and the two lawyers will sign the document. If you need a court order incorporating the terms of the agreement, one of the lawyers will get the order signed by a judge.
Motions
The minimum amount of paperwork consists of the motion and affidavit. If you have issues that involve children, you will probably seek affidavits from friends and family who know about your skills and attributes as a parent. Given these issues and others you might have, your motion and affidavit may grow into a thick pile of papers very quickly. These papers have to be served on your spouse or your spouse's attorney, and the other side will probably respond with a motion and affidavits of its own.
Your affidavits will probably upset your spouse, just as you'll probably be upset when you get your spouse's responsive papers, including responsive affidavits. Now you have to respond to your spouse's papers with new affidavits. Then maybe your spouse responds to your responses.
At some point, the exchange of papers has to stop, so most courts set a deadline for filing papers. Some states limit the amount of exchanges that can take place on a single motion. Deadlines vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but your lawyer should know what is required. Some courts will resolve motions on the papers without the need for a temporary hearing, but others will require one.
