Every relationship has its highs and lows. Obviously, when you write your wedding vows you want to recount more good moments than bad ones. Any moments that you mention in your vows should be either monumental or minute — both in a good way. For example, you might want to mention the moment that you knew you loved him, and you might want to talk about the way he touches your shoulder when he leaves for work. These are significant in their own ways — one was a huge defining moment, the other is a defining characteristic of his love for you.

Don't Even Go There

Since you want your vows to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, skip over anything negative. This includes things like:

• Doubts or misgivings about the relationship. This is not the time or place to mention that one of you had cold feet a month ago.

• Differences among family members. You don't dig his mom or his kids' attitudes? Don't even attempt to joke about it in your vows.

• Negative attitudes toward your union. If friends and family members have been against this marriage from the start, you don't need to add a “So there!” element to your vows.

Your wedding day is supposed to be a happy time. You don't want to dredge up bad feelings, and you certainly don't want to set yourself up for target practice in the coming years (when your mother-in-law repeats that little “joke” you made in your vows — you know, the one about how hard it was for you to cut the apron strings between her and your husband). If something seems like it's even coming close to the line, nix it.

Fair Game

Now that you know what not to talk about when you write your vows, we'll move on to happier topics.

Aspects of your relationship that you may want to talk about in your wedding vows include:

• What first brought the two of you together. Was it his sense of humor, the wild look in his eyes, or a long-standing friendship that blossomed into something more?

• The little things you love best about him. The way he always makes the coffee in the morning even though you're the only one who drinks it, or the fact that he'll fold the laundry for you because you hate doing it — any highly endearing qualities.

• His best “partner” points. The reasons that you know he's going to make a great husband — he's loyal, honest, giving, and so on.

• His human points. Is he quirky, messy, silly? Again, these are his endearing qualities, the things that may drive you crazy once in a while but ultimately only make you love him more.

How would you incorporate this kind of information into a short, sweet public declaration of love? Consider something like this:

Obviously, when writing your own vows, you want to tailor your vows to reflect your feelings for your own fiancé. Three rules of thumb:

• Hit the high points and move on. Don't ramble.

• Be sincere and natural. If poetry isn't your thing, don't start spouting couplets at the altar. You'll feel strange, and you'll sound strange.

• Don't try to ad-lib. You won't be in your element, and you'll probably be nervous. Have a solid idea of what you're going to say, and don't stray too far from that plan.

If you follow these three guidelines, you'll sound like a professional writer and speaker — just when it matters most.