What's Everyone Else Wearing?
Other people will look to you for fashion advice: What should they wear to your wedding? While not every guest will beat down your door for your input here, your attendants and parents certainly will. Since you don't want them showing up in formalwear if you're going to be in a decidedly more relaxed outfit, don't take this conversation lightly. Many people are honestly at a loss when it comes to dressing for a destination wedding, and you'll need to be able to steer them in the right direction.
Attendants
Once you've dressed yourself and the groom, the attendants' outfits are easy to choose. The men should be dressed similarly to the groom, so if your fiancé is wearing a suit, the other men should, too. If there's only the best man to consider, then it's all right if the groom wears a tan suit and the best man is dressed in black. If there are several attendants, they should at least be dressed in the same family of colors — all dark or all light. You don't want them to look like Catholic schoolboys lining up for Mass, but you don't want a rainbow of suit jackets at the altar, either.
The trend in bridesmaids' dresses nowadays is for the bride to choose the color and allow the girls to choose the style of dress they'll wear. This is really a nice option, because then everyone is happy — you choose the level of formality and the color scheme, and they get to wear a dress that actually fits well and that they can very likely wear again. And if you're having just one bridesmaid, the two of you can go shopping together to look for a dress you're both happy with, or you can let her choose on her own. (After all, you
The best part of allowing bridesmaids and groomsmen to wear clothing of their choice is that they can do their own bargain shopping, and you won't ever have to hear that you forced someone to buy a $400 dress.
Parents
There are a couple of rules of thumb for the parents of the engaged couple to follow when choosing outfits for the wedding:
The bride's mother should not outdo the bride.
The mother of the bride should choose a dress that complements the bridal party's dresses in formality and color — but it shouldn't match exactly.
The bride's mother chooses her dress first and the groom's mom then chooses a complementary dress for herself — but not the same color as the bride's mom's dress.
Similarly, dads should rise to but not exceed the level of formality of the men in the wedding party.
So what does all of this really mean? Mothers choose something that will make them shine (they're stars of this show, too) but not make them look like outcast members of the wedding party. Dads should show up looking as dressed-up as the groomsmen are. If your dad is going to give you away, he should really make an effort to look extra-dapper on your wedding day. If you need to go suit shopping with him in order to ensure that he doesn't show up in cutoffs, then do so.
Guests
And speaking of cutoffs, how do you politely tell your guests that they are not to show up at your wedding in their swim trunks? This is sometimes a problem with “vacation”-type weddings: Because the wedding experience is a weeklong, fun-filled experience, guests assume that the wedding itself will essentially be something else that's going on that week — nothing really serious, just another diversion on the trip.
If you're planning a formal wedding in an otherwise informal setting, such as a beach resort or a cruise ship, include this information in your invitations. In the lower left-hand corner, add a line that reads: “Please, no shorts or swim trunks at the ceremony. Business casual attire requested.” (Of course, this is only an example. You'll substitute your own wedding's level of formality.) You may feel funny doing this, but you're really doing yourself and your guests a big favor. You won't have to chase your brother out of the ceremony when he shows up with his snorkeling gear (fresh from a dive), and he won't have to suffer the humiliation of
