Gathering up the musicians is a major accomplishment! Now — what do you want them to do? Professional musicians know the wedding ropes well enough that they can proceed without specific instructions, but you need to know what to expect so that you can put the kibosh on anything you find corny or unsettling.

Start at the Beginning

When guests begin to arrive, they'll be milling around, looking for drinks and appetizers. During this cocktail hour, there should be some background music going on as the guests arrive; you don't want your band or DJ setting up and doing noisy sound checks at this time. The cake is usually cut before dinner, especially if it's going to be served for dessert; the emcee will announce this to the guests so that they can take pictures of you and the groom feeding sweets to one another.

You may want to have some light music playing throughout dinner, but this depends on the size and layout of your reception site. Larger halls sometimes don't need the background noise, as the music is drowned out by the acoustics and all of the chitchat going on. Ask the banquet manager for his or her recommendations and find out what other brides have done at that facility. After dinner, the dancing begins, usually in this order:

• Bride and her father

• Groom and his mother

• Bride and groom together

• Wedding party

After those dances, the floor opens up to everyone. You may choose to combine or skip some of the traditional dances. If you do choose to include them, consider the song suggestions that follow.

Dancing with Dad

Choosing the right song for dancing with your pop is important. You don't want to choose something mushy if the two of you don't have that kind of relationship, and even if you're very close, you don't want to make him break down in tears on the dance floor. Pick a song that reflects on the joys of the past and the great job he's done raising you, such as:

• “Isn't She Lovely?” Stevie Wonder

• “The Way You Look Tonight,” Frank Sinatra

• “Forever Young,” Rod Stewart

• “Little Miss Magic,” Jimmy Buffett

• “My Girl,” Temptations

• “Because You Loved Me,” Celine Dion

Whatever song you choose, make sure to listen to the lyrics to make sure it's appropriate for a father and daughter to dance to. In other words, make sure it's not a love song that would be more appropriate for your dance with the groom — otherwise, you could end up creeping out some of your wedding guests. Alternatively, ask the bandleader or DJ if he can provide you with instrumental music for this dance.

Mother and Son

If you've given yourself and your dad some time in the spotlight, extend the courtesy to your mother-in-law also. Appropriate songs might be a little harder to come by, but some nice musical tributes to her relationship with her son might include:

• “You Are the Sunshine of My Life,” Stevie Wonder

• “Close to You,” Carpenters

• “A Song for Mama,” Boyz II Men

• “The Perfect Fan,” Backstreet Boys

Let your mother-in-law choose the song if she wants to — she may have sung the groom a particular song time and time again when he was a little boy, for example, and that would mean more to the two of them than some random song chosen from a playlist. But again, make sure the lyrics are appropriate for a dance with her son.

First Dance

When you dance that first dance as man and wife, you want the song to be perfect, so don't be pressured into choosing something that your DJ wants to play, or a song that your mother loves — choose something that fits your relationship with your new husband. Some suggestions:

• “At Last,” Etta James

• “In My Life,” Beatles

• “I'll Be (The Greatest Fan in Your Life),” Edwin McCain

• “That's All,” Michael Bublé

• “You and Me,” Lifehouse

• “From this Moment,” Shania Twain

• “My Best Friend,” Tim McGraw

• “I Knew I Loved You (Before I Met You),” Savage Garden

• “True Companion,” Marc Cohn

The song for the first dance is usually fairly easy to choose, because you probably have several songs in mind already. Because this is a public event, steer away from anything with racy or explicit lyrics — save those for the CD player back home.

Enter the Wedding Party!

This is one group song that you should have some fun with. Your attendants have been working very hard to make your big day special, so let them cut loose on the dance floor! These are some songs they can get their grooves on to:

• “We Are Family,” Sister Sledge

• “Ain't No Mountain High Enough,” Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

• “Everybody Have Fun Tonight,” Wang Chung

• “Silly Love Songs,” Wings

• “Let's Get it Started,” Black Eyed Peas

Cue the music and watch those attendants let loose! You can choose any music that seems appropriate for this dance, but since your attendants are being corralled into dancing with one another, try to keep the tone light enough so that no one feels uncomfortable (as happens sometimes when near-strangers are coupled up on the dance floor).