Inevitably, whether you have a big wedding or a small wedding, and whether you have a reception afterward or not, you'll receive some wedding gifts. Being married is one sign that you have moved into responsible adulthood — and knowing how to write a good thank-you note is another. Each gift that you receive has to be acknowledged — in a timely manner!

Do It Soon

You have one month from the time you receive a gift to write a thank-you note for it. That's it. Not three months; not six months; definitely not a year. One month. “One month?” you're thinking. “I can't write 200 thank-you notes in one month!” Oh, sure you can. You're not writing 200 distinct dissertations on why destination weddings are preferable to traditional ceremonies; you're thanking people for giving you nice gifts. And since these people went to the trouble to make sure you received the gift in time for your wedding, the very least you could do is make sure they receive a written acknowledgment of their gift — and soon.

Once that first month passes, the novelty of being surrounded by all of your new stuff wears off, and your wedding money is either spent or tucked safely away in a savings account. You're more likely to forget what you've been given or how much you genuinely appreciated receiving it at the time you unwrapped it. Writing the thank-you notes as soon as possible allows your gratitude to shine through in the most genuine way.

What to Say

Writing thank-you notes may be time-consuming if you actually do have 200 of them to complete. Each individual note, though, is a piece of cake. Just make sure that when you open your gifts, you record who gave you what. Writing the notes is this easy:

That note would take you less than five minutes to write by hand, which, you may be disappointed to learn, is the only acceptable way to write your thank-yous. Typing them on your computer is just too cold and businesslike for such a personal communiqué.

Let's focus on the major elements of the satisfactory thank-you note:

• It's handwritten.

• It specifically names the gift.

• It mentions how much you love the gift.

• It tells how you're using the gift.

• It thanks the addressee for attending the wedding, reception, or both (if applicable).

If the person you're writing to didn't come to the wedding or reception, you could simply say:

See how easy it is? Once you get going you'll get the hang of it, and you'll have all of those cards done in almost no time at all!

Many Thanks for the Moola

When you're writing a thank-you note to someone who sent you money, never mention the amount! Rather, tell the giver what you intend to do with the money so that he or she knows you're not spending it on lipstick and glossy magazines. For example:

…and then proceed with thanking them for coming, or telling them how sorry you were that they were unable to make it, sign your names, and you're done.

Who Sent This?

If you have no idea what Mr. and Mrs. Keller gave you — but you know that they handed you an envelope at the reception — or you really can't recall what Aunt Kate and Uncle Drew sent, it's better to fake your way through a thank-you note than not send one at all. This should be the exception to the rule, however! A good, general thank-you note goes something like this:

See what you've done here? You've thanked them for the gift, and then you've focused on how happy you were to see them. Having them at your wedding was gift enough, you're telling them. With any luck, they won't even notice that you didn't mention the silver platter they gave you.

Turn Off That Printer!

Under no circumstances is it acceptable to send out a computer-generated thank-you note for which you only have to fill in the giver's name and sign your name to 200 identical letters. It is not all right to send out something like this:

This is wrong on so many levels. It's incredibly impersonal and sends the message that if your guests think that you have time to write separate thank-you notes for everyone, well, they have another think coming. Show the people who sent you gifts that you are really, truly grateful — grateful enough to write them their own individual card of thanks.

It's just as wrong to let a three-page newsletter serve as a thank-you note. While it may be natural to want to share the entire story of your wedding — especially with people who weren't able to attend — you still have to send separate, individualized thank-you notes.