Narrowing Down the List
Before tapping anyone for bridesmaid or groomsman duty, you and your fiancé must first decide on the size of your wedding. Obviously, if the two of you are leaning toward having a tiny ceremony with fewer than ten guests, you aren't going to have six attendants each. If you're on the fence about the size of your ceremony, don't extend the invitation to prospective attendants until you're 100 percent sure that you won't have to rescind it.
E~Alert
Base your bridal party decisions on what you want, not what someone else wants. If your mother is upset because you aren't going to ask all four of your sisters to be in the wedding party, that's unfortunate for your mother. At the same time, don't exclude a family member just because you happen to be having a spat at that moment. If the person is important to you, chances are you'll both get over it eventually. In fact, asking the person to be in your wedding party might be a great way to clear the air and move on.
If you're having a large wedding and you aren't against having a big bridal party, it's easy to include your sisters, your best friends, and your fiancé's family in the bridesmaid lineup. It's much tougher to eliminate these same people from a smaller bridal party. Despite the fact that everyone should be adult enough to respect your decision and not make you feel guilty about having to streamline the parade of maids and ushers, this is where you may learn the hard truth about planning a wedding, which is this: Although weddings should only bring out the best in people, the opposite often holds true.
Somehow, some way, some people feel as though you're doing — or not doing — certain things to hurt their feelings. (Never mind the fact that you're agonizing over your choices in an attempt to keep everyone happy.)
Family or Friends?
In the event that you're having a small ceremony with just one or two attendants on each side, choose people who are very close to you. This probably goes without saying, but if you're torn between choosing your best friend and your fiancé's sister (whom you barely know), go with the best friend.
E~Fact
You can always include the family and friends in a small ceremony in other ways aside from making them attendants, such as asking them to do a reading or bring gifts to the altar when required in a religious ceremony. This should appease anyone (read: parents of the bride and groom) who are tempted to be outraged by your choice of bridesmaid(s).
Why would you choose a lifelong friend over a future relative? You're supposed to be able to lean on your attendants for all of your wedding-related emergencies. You know that your best friend will probably help you out regardless of whether you've assigned her to official attendant duty, but it's just silly to pass over her and make your future sister-in-law into some sort of bridesmaid figurehead if you know you're going to be uncomfortable asking her for favor after favor. Ask her to bring up the gifts or to do a reading during the ceremony instead.
Come One, Come All!
A large bridal party can include close friends and family members from both sides. Before you start asking anyone and everyone to stand up for your ceremony, though, realize that in addition to asking these men and women to help you through the planning of the wedding, you're also asking them to spend quite a bit of money on wedding attire (possibly), travel, and lodging. If you know that a certain someone on the list is going to do nothing but gripe about having to fly down to Cancun for your wedding, then leave him or her off your list.
Be aware that bridal parties can mushroom out of control. You ask this friend, so you have to ask that one. You can't ask your favorite cousin without also including her sister, even though you were never that close to her. It may be helpful for you, especially if you have a wide circle of family and friends, to set a limit to the number of attendants in the bridal party before you start asking; otherwise you may end up with fifteen bridesmaids and twenty-seven groomsmen (when your fiancé has a hard time choosing among his fraternity brothers).
You
E~ssential
Your attendants are supposed to be people you can reasonably count on to uphold their duties to support and occasionally help you and the groom throughout the wedding planning. Don't choose acquaintances with the hope that this will bring you closer together. If you and/or your groom aren't close to prospective attendants
Every person in your bridal party should fall into one of two categories: Loved One and/or Little Helper. Ideally, they should fall into both, but in the case of a large bridal party, it's completely understandable that you'd include your groom's sister in your party of ten bridesmaids even if she isn't going to be particularly helpful to you. She's special to your future husband, after all, and excluding her from such a large gaggle of maids would be hurtful.
