No matter what kind of wedding you're dreaming of, there are certain rules you need to follow when announcing your engagement. First of all, make sure you've made the most important calls before you start spreading the good news all over town. If your mother hears about your engagement by eavesdropping at the grocery store, she'll probably be a bit upset. Of course, if your beau declared his intentions to your parents before he proposed, you don't have to worry about this so much.

Asking for Your Hand

It seems like a tradition whose time has long passed us by, but a lot of men still take the time to ask their best girl's father for her hand in marriage. Although it's hardly necessary in this day and age (chances are pretty good that you'll end up marrying your guy even if your dad disapproves), it's still a nice gesture — and one that might just win over a father who is less than thrilled at the prospect of seeing his little girl walk down the aisle toward a life with another man.

Although this conversation has traditionally been between the two men in a woman's life, there's no reason that your mother should be excluded, especially if she's the one who raised you! It's always thoughtful of your fiancé to want to reach out to your father, but if Dad has always lived 3,000 miles away from you and didn't have all that much to do with your upbringing, it just makes more sense for your fiancé to touch base with the parent(s)-in-residence first. That includes stepparents, too!

Mom and Dad If your fiancé didn't schedule a meeting with your parents to let them know of his intentions, then you need to let them know about your engagement very soon after it happens. When you make the list of people you need to call, your parents should be at the very top of that list, even above your best friend. It's just the right thing to do.

Now, what if you haven't spoken to your parents in years? Do they still have to rank at the very top of that list? Well, families become estranged for all sorts of reasons, and this book won't even attempt to delve into the most painful family circumstances. However, as long as contacting your parents isn't going to cause you any physical harm, then yes, you should give them a call and let them know that you're getting married.

Getting down to logistics: Ideally, you and your fiancé should tell both sets of parents at roughly the same time (a difference of one day between telling your parents and calling his parents isn't a big deal unless you know they're going to run into each other), and you should both tell them the big news. No, you don't need to be on separate phone extensions when you call your parents, but your mom and dad will most likely want to speak to their future son-in-law, so make sure he's available and up to the task.

One Big Happy Family

If you or the groom have children from a previous marriage or relationship, they should be among the first to know about your engagement. Even if your relationship with your fiancé's kids is just barely cordial, they should still know before you start telling everyone else.

There is no doubt that this is a familial make-or-break issue. Letting the kids in on the news before everyone else knows makes them feel important and as though they're in on something really major and special (which they are, after all). On the other hand, if they find out that you've been engaged for a month and you're just now getting around to telling them about it, you can bet that they're going to feel left out. No matter how your fiancé's kids feel about their dad (and no matter whose idea it was to wait to tell them), they're probably going to place a good part of the blame on you.

Now, what about the mother of your boyfriend's children? Your fiancé should tell her the news before you tell the children. Ideally, she is mature enough to handle the introduction of a stepmother into her kids' lives; if not, keep your cool and say as little as possible. Be kind to those kids no matter what, and do your best to include them in the wedding. In short, be the better person. This may be extremely difficult to do when you're faced with an ex who seems like evil incarnate, but in the long run, mature behavior always pays off. Always.

Your Ex

If you were in a serious relationship in the past — either a marriage or something very close to it — do you owe your ex a call now, even if you don't have any children binding the two of you together? You don't want him to find out about your engagement on the street, but you also don't want to make the assumption that he would want to know. What is the right thing to do in this situation?

Well, if you left things on friendly terms, then by all means, call the guy and just be honest. Let him know that you wanted him to hear this news from you, not from a third party. You can't control his reaction, but if you tell him yourself, you won't have to wonder if he knows or how he found out about your engagement; you also won't have to wonder whether he's upset that you didn't have the courage to call him.

If your split was chock-full of animosity, then no, you do not have to call him now. Doing so would probably only dredge up old feelings on both ends of the phone. Honestly, if you got yourself out of a bad relationship, you deserve to be happy now, and you can't do that if you put yourself in the line of fire. He'll hear it about it sooner or later, and you can deal with it then, if you must. Don't borrow trouble for now.