What to Do
So much of what you're called upon to do in life sure isn't what you had planned. Sometimes it seems as if your own plans are the very last things to be considered, and that can create internal discontent and anger. When you feel this way, sometimes reflecting upon your place in the grand scheme of things can help. When you think of the billions and billions of people who have walked this earth before you, it can be a humbling experience. It also can help to put life in perspective. So much of what people think is urgent, isn't. In a hundred years, no one will care whether you washed the car on Friday or not. Focusing on what's important is necessary. Planning to leave this planet a better place is important. And caring for another person who needs your help is not only important, it's noble. It would certainly be nice if someone were standing over you, keeping track of all your good deeds and entering them into the Permanent Record. And who knows? Maybe someone is.
Essential, Important, and Can Wait
If you were to take an honest look at what you have planned for the day, you'd probably find the following list:
Get up.
Go to work.
Go home.
Relax.
Go to bed.
We're creatures of habit. Of course the weekends would look a bit different, with added chores and maybe something fun thrown into the mix. The point of this is that people protect their free time, plan their leisure, and get set in their routines, and when something interrupts that, they're taken off guard. An honest look at the routine, however, should let us know that routine is just that — routine. Some of the items that seem so pressing probably can wait a while. Hold on to hope. As soon as your loved one's depression is under control, you can fall right back into your pattern. In the meantime, there are higher goals to meet and someone needs your time.
Essential
Make a new to-do list that doesn't include chores. Make it a list of things that will help you cope and take this list as seriously as you would one that contained taking out the garbage and doing the laundry.
Opportunity in a Strange Package
It's easy to take good health for granted; especially if you've been one of the fortunate ones who've managed to avoid major illness or accident. However, when these unwelcome visitors show up on your doorstep, you may find they are actually cleverly disguised opportunities for personal growth. They can lead you to adopt some healthy behaviors. After all, it's an ill wind that doesn't blow some good, as the saying goes.
Healthy Behaviors
We're a sedentary society and becoming more so every year. Many people work sitting down, and they recreate in the same position — watching television or playing games or corresponding on the computer. Depression takes away your motivation to exercise and be active, so if you're feeling hemmed in and constrained by your loved one's lack of energy, it's time to lace up the walking shoes and venture outdoors. If you can encourage your loved one to join you, so much the better. It needn't be a five-mile trek with fully loaded backpack, either. Even a stroll around the block will get the blood moving and be a helpful adjunct to therapy.
Fact
Exercise is an essential part of therapy for depression. Getting the body moving can greatly enhance the recovery process. And since one good thing usually follows another, exercise can help in getting some good health habits started or re-established.
Finding the Good and Praising It
You're probably hearing a litany from your loved one about all her faults, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. This is the right time to mention all the good things about her — not all at once, of course. Spread out the compliments throughout the course of the day. And especially mention how important she is in your life. Unless you've walked in depression's ill-fitting shoes, you can't know how much they hurt. All you can do is be compassionate and understanding of your loved one's efforts to shake free of depression's grip. This isn't going to go away quickly, but with proper therapy, it will go away in time.
A Sense of Humor
You may think that there's not a whole lot to laugh about, and you would be right. Sometimes it takes a bit of digging to see the brighter side. What a sense of humor can do for you, however, is to put life in perspective, and there are elements of humor in even the most dire of circumstances. It's actually considered a sign of healing when you can find some vestige of the absurd or silly in any situation. And that car that needed washing? You realize, don't you, that as soon as you got it done, it was going to rain? That's the irony of humor. It helps you take things not quite so intensely. It helps you back off a bit from the moment.
Essential
Remember M*A*S*H, the television series about medical staff working in impossible conditions during the Korean War? Humor, even in the face of death, helped them cope. Everyone needs to laugh — it's our way of staring down the enemy and coming out on the other end of the problem with our psyches bruised but still intact.
