Men who are depressed may lose interest in sex, or they may use sex as an outlet to deal with their depression. Sex doesn't solve the problem, however; it merely helps channel the focus away from the problem by releasing energy. He takes some reassurance in knowing that on one level, at least, he can function and the relationship is still working. Women, on the other hand, may take their partner's interest as a sign he's feeling better — that all is now well. Afterwards, men are still stressed and angry, their depression is still there, and women are more confused than they were before they agreed to bed down. Things aren't any better, after all.

Women who are depressed frequently lose interest in sex, although they may crave touch — as in being held, without the expectation of sex. Her partner then figures, “If she wants to be held, she must want sex.” She doesn't, and he's confused. Frustration and anger can now enter into the mix.

Love is still there. It's pretty much the same scenario you'd be facing if your partner were diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or a hernia. It's just that for a certain period of time, this condition, depression, is taking center stage and stealing all the lines. The person you love is still there and will be there when this is over and done. Coping, in the meantime, is the challenge. And to be frank, there are days when you're not up to it. You're human, you have needs of your own, and you may feel that you've been stretched to the max. Take a deep breath, exhale, and repeat the mantra, “This too, shall pass.”And it will. Strategies for taking care of yourself come later on in this chapter.