The term “giftedness” has a positive connotation in most circles, and most parents whose children are gifted feel a sense of pride with this label. Yet because gifted children often have special academic and emotional needs, parenting a gifted child can be extremely difficult, and not all of the special needs are desirable or inevitably result in superstardom as the child matures. Gifted children are not necessarily good students; in fact, if they are not nurtured in their learning, they can become extremely frustrated and angry, and give up on school, meaningful work, and themselves, and can fail to realize their potential.

Signs of Giftedness

How do you tell if your child is gifted? Some schools or a private therapist can help you find out for sure, but in general, gifted children:

• Are inquisitive, asking lots of questions, including ethical ones.

• Are usually opinionated, having strong feelings.

• May not be pleased with themselves or their work because they are perfectionists or critical of themselves.

• Often become bored in school and with schoolwork if they know the answers before the “busy work” part is complete.

• Often grasp concepts before skills, so they might skip crucial steps in their education.

• Focus more on understanding the concepts than memorizing the facts. They think abstractly.

• Are creative. These children have active imaginations and solve problems in new ways and/or display artistic talent.

• Can focus for long periods of time on something that they are interested in.

• Are often emotionally sensitive.

• Enjoy puzzles, analogies, and word problems.

• Have a sense of humor that is more complex or developed than other children their age.

• May prefer the company of older children or adults to the company of children their own age.

Coding, Handwriting, and Left-Handedness

Gifted children often have trouble with orthographic (spelling) and phonological (sound representation) “coding.” In lay terms, this means that some children have difficulties figuring out spelling rules and patterns, or they may have difficulties figuring out which letters stand for which sounds and when. This can be particularly problematic in English, which requires learning dozens, if not hundreds of spelling rules and exceptions to those rules. Remember the saying “I before E, except after C, or if it sounds like A as in ‘neighbor’ and ‘way’”? Such convoluted rules are overwhelming for some kids, and most of the rules don't have convenient, mnemonic rhymes like this one.

Compared to the rest of the population, there is a high number of left-handed people in the “above average” intelligence category. If your gifted child is left-handed or ambidextrous, you should give your child extra consideration when it comes to sloppy handwriting. A child who is gifted may be already frustrated with school, and if the child is also left-handed, he may be struggling to write and do other fine-motor tasks, such as use scissors, within a system that is backward to him. If this is the case, talk to your child and work on brainstorming possible solutions, such as making audio recordings of the answers to homework, or transcribing finished work. Finally, if sloppy handwriting does not get in the way of your child's grades or comprehension, talk to your child about focusing the effort on handwriting on assignments where it counts and letting it slide the rest of the time. Never try to force a left-handed child to be right-handed.

Boredom and Anger

The biggest impediment to a gifted child's education, however, is boredom. School is for learning. If your gifted child is not learning in school, something is wrong and should be fixed before the child grows bored and then angry, which can lead to defiant behavior. You should talk to both your child and her teacher if the child is bored and not learning in class. With the teacher, be a sweet pain in the side, and try to find out if she is using differentiated learning, a system in which the same concept is taught in different ways. To your child, you can explain that he doesn't have to like schoolwork, but he still has to do it — that's an important lesson to learn. However, the younger your child is, the more easily this lesson will break down, especially if the teacher is just assigning busy work, so don't rely on that philosophy by itself.

“Gifted kids are at risk for a lot,” says Dessery Hensley, who recommends looking into a gifted program or parents' advocacy group. Find out what programs your school and state offer. A good starting point is the National Association for Gifted Children, www.nagc.org.