Getting Your Child's Perspective
For some parents, especially those with an authoritarian parenting view, their child's perspective may not seem like an important part of the picture at school — rules should be followed, teachers should be obeyed, and disciplinary action should be upheld. While this is true, the unfortunate truth is that sometimes the child's not at fault, and adults at school are failing to meet his needs academically or otherwise.
Stress Indicators
Your child may not come right out and tell you if something is going wrong at school, either because she's embarrassed, afraid of getting in trouble with you, unsure that what's going on is wrong, or how to articulate it. If you see indicators of stress, such as chewing on the collar of her shirt, biting her nails, sucking on the ends of her hair, or nervous tics like blinking, shoulder shrugging, or frequent swallowing, don't punish her for them, as that will only make matters worse.
Alert
Tics are not voluntary! Do not punish your child for tics, as any attempt to stop tics increases their frequency. Tics are extremely common and usually disappear on their own within a few years. However, if your child has multiple tics, or the tics interfere with her ability to function, ask your pediatrician for an evaluation.
Find time for some quiet, low-stress bonding, and little by little, ask how school is going and whether your child likes school, the other kids, and the teacher. If your child replies that she doesn't like school, her classmates, or her teacher, don't negate what she says; ask why and take it seriously.
Observing for a Day
Visit your child's school for a day and observe the classroom in action. While it may be difficult to take time off work and you may find it boring and inconvenient, it's a crucial part of finding out more about what's going on at school. Pick a normal school day (not a field trip or the day after Halloween), let the teacher know ahead of time that you'll be coming, and sit in the back of the classroom and don't participate, just observe. You may do this as frequently as you wish; public schools are required to let parents observe. Consider changing schools if your child's school does not allow you to observe; you must know what's going on if you are to help your child.
