One of the most important lessons you can teach your child as a parent is that you are on her team, and that you're on her side for life, no matter what she does. This doesn't mean you always agree with her, it means you'll do what's in her best interests because you're the parent and care about her development. Here's how to do that with respect to trouble at school.

Making the Most of School Resources

If you don't ask, you'll never know. Ask questions to find out what services the school, district, and state offer. Just because you haven't heard about them, or because no one's using them, doesn't mean they don't exist. “Is tutoring available?” “Can my child use the computers in the library after school?” “Is there a job skills training program?” “How do we sign up for a college fair?” “Is there a gang prevention program?” and so on may uncover resources you didn't know existed. Jump online and find out if the state or district offer services at your child's school, or make an appointment with a counselor at the district level. If there's little help available, try your city or county offices, which may offer more.

When to Change Teachers

Up until sixth grade, a teacher who is punitive, insults you or your child, pressures the child too hard, or refuses to meet your child's educational needs is not creating a healthy learning environment for your child. If the teacher's behavior is severe or has not changed after a few interventions on your part, change classes. However, once the child reaches about sixth grade, you need to teach her to get along with all kinds of people, even those who don't like her, so an older child should remain in the class unless the situation is severe.

When to Organize with Other Parents

Much of school policy exists because parents and voters asked for it. With this in mind, if you don't like something at your child's school, find out if there is an existing parents' advocacy group for dealing with the problem. Advocacy groups exist for all kinds of situations, from the general PTA/PTO organizations to distinct associations for children with special needs. If there's not already an organization that fills your need, find out if there are other parents who are sharing your experience, and start an organization of your own. For example, some parent groups have recently succeeded in making schools set homework time limits to keep elementary school children from having excessive homework. Remember that parents have a lot of power.

Alternative Education Options

Sometimes, a child can't go to school, either because it has ceased to be an environment for learning, because she is being sent to continuation, or because a teen girl has had a baby and can't be at school all day. If your child cannot or should not go to school anymore — and if you have used the tips in this chapter to try to make the best learning environment possible — don't let that be the end of your child's education. Don't rule out higher education in the future, either. Find out if your district offers independent study, job skills training programs, adult ed courses, or a system through which your child can take a high school equivalency exam and earn units to get into a college or university.