Once you take on the responsibility of parenting, there's no going back and rewriting your child's genetic code, or erasing the trauma or chemical exposures an adopted child may have experienced before coming to your home. In other words, you have much more control over eliminating the environmental causes of defiance in your child's life.

Lifestyle

Your lifestyle may be crazy, rushed, and pressured — working parents, financial stress, an unsafe neighborhood, extended family spread across the continent, past tragedy or trauma, parents too tired or depressed to give their kids the attention they need — all of these circumstances can lead to emotions like anxiety, depression, and frustration that trigger defiant behavior in kids. Sometimes, defiant kids may even tell you what's bothering them, or consistently become defiant in response to the same triggering situations. Slowing down the hectic lifestyle so you can pay closer attention to your child's emotions and the situations that trigger them is key to helping your child.

A hectic lifestyle, even for affluent families, can be isolating and lonely for each individual in the family. While it may seem to parents with more immediate financial pressures that their hands are tied, if you have time to look at this book, you have time to implement several effective strategies to help your child. You may also be able to take advantage of free or low-cost interventions and treatments when necessary.

How Lifestyle Relates to Defiant Behavior

As a parent, your duty is to raise your child so she becomes a fulfilled, healthy adult, not to keep your kid entertained, occupied, or busy. Sometimes, a hectic lifestyle leaves no room for deep, sustained thought; loose, unstructured play; or low-pressure interactions within the family. While enriching activities are beneficial in many ways, so is a lack of schedule. If you and your family need more time together, and your child's obstinate behavior disrupts extracurricular activities, considering dropping them for awhile. Don't frame it as a punishment (e.g., “If you can't behave in band, I'm not paying for it anymore.”), but as a desire to spend more time relaxing as a family.

Chances are, if you're highly stressed and already up to your limit with a certain young person's behavior, spending more time together doesn't sound appealing. But if you approach the issue now, you will have more time in the long run because you won't be spending so much time disciplining your child.