As your child matures, a little more defiance of authority is normal. Adolescents are becoming their own people, and that means flexing their independence “muscles.” Yet just as with every other age group, you keep normal defiant behavior normal by responding to it appropriately, rather than shrugging it off.

Inside the Middle School Mind

Puberty is the biggest change that kids go through during the middle school years. Before middle school, they're innocent little kids; afterward, they're adolescents, and they are more than just physically sexual, they are capable of understanding sexuality as well. Who helps them understand sexuality is up to you — either you can give your child the correct information, or you can wait until peers and the Internet educate your child. Remember that most twenty-first century teens will see online porn, and confront this head-on by making sure your child gets the correct information about both the physical act and the emotional and physical consequences. Finally, talking about sex should not be a one-time occurrence, however uncomfortable. Revisit the topic with a little more information from time to time.

Kids also grow more conscious and aware during the middle school years. You can no longer have an adult conversation right in front of your kid, using a certain tone of voice that will just fly over her head, the way you can with smaller children. Where once your child could have picked up on just the emotional cues of financial stress, marital tension, and worrisome world events, now your child becomes fully conscious of these heavy issues around her. If your child hears about any of these issues, don't ignore how it can affect her, and offer comfort and an opportunity to talk.

Why Middle Schoolers Defy Parents

All of childhood is a push-pull exercise between kids and their parents, and this becomes extremely apparent during the middle school and high school years, when kids act independent one minute and then come running into your arms another. Be patient, and give the child a safe harbor whenever she needs it.

Your middle schooler will defy you at some point during these years as she learns what kinds of behaviors are appropriate and desirable now that she's able to control more of them herself. Think of it like learning to drive a car: you've been watching someone else drive smoothly along, and then you get your first crack at it, and you weave all over the road and jerk forward and jerk to a stop, then stall. It takes awhile before you can get your own driving to go as smoothly as your teacher's. As your child learns to navigate the world, she'll go too far at times, and at others, not far enough. She'll make big mistakes. Just make sure you're in the passenger's seat to get her back on the road when she starts to veer off course.