Speaking of bonding, you can do it effectively with your middle schooler. Whether you're baking cookies, following a GPS treasure hunt, or taking up mountain biking, your child's maturity makes it possible to do new, fun things and to also give him some supervised control that will help validate him as a trustworthy, maturing person.

Your Child in Charge

One way to bond with tweens is to give them new responsibilities that are more than just chores: responsibilities that require thought, planning, and choice. Give your child some training on cooking, then ask him to make dinner once a week. If your child wants to baby-sit to earn extra money, support this with praise and a crash course (your own or a paid class at a YMCA or other facility) on how to be safe.

When chores do have to be boring, see if you can infuse them with the opportunities for thought, planning, and choice that motivate the maturing child. So, if your child has to mow the lawn, put him in charge of checking the gas can the night before to make sure it's full, and let him have some say in the types of plants you have along the border. If your child has to do the dishes, as long as they're cleaned, don't micromanage the chore and ignore — or affirm — his way of doing things, even if it drives you crazy. Letting your child take on responsibilities will ease the load on you and also help him feel proud of the trust you have in him, thereby improving your relationship.

Controversy and Quiet

Now that your child is aware of the world around him, expose him to both the controversy and chaos in the world as well as the quiet and peace we need to be healthy. First, don't ignore or shy away from uncomfortable or controversial subjects. This means more than gritting your teeth for “the sex talk,” it means asking his opinion on issues close to his heart like the school's tardy policy, as well as some he may not have considered, like the death penalty. Listen to his opinions instead and ask him to consider other points of view, rather than jumping up on a soapbox.

This information should be tempered with times for peace and quiet. In order to be healthy, we all must tune out the terrible goings-on in the world for a few minutes each day. Your home is also a safe harbor, a place where you and your middle schooler can learn new recipes, play catch, walk the dog, listen to music, do home repairs, and pray, meditate, or relax together. There has to be some downtime built into your lives, a time when it's okay to wake up a little later, wander around in your pajamas, and not have every moment of your time regimented and scheduled.