Your kid wants to be cool, and to be cool, everything in his life must be coolified, including his parents. Keep in mind that no matter how much you “coolify” yourself, you and your rules would still be a source of squirming embarrassment for your middle schooler. Here's how to keep your child healthy without going down in the middle school Hall of Shame.

Should You Be Your Child's Friend?

No. Kids might think they want this, but they don't, and if you are willing to be a middle schooler's dream parent, you might be doing so for your own self-esteem or need to revisit your own middle school years, rather than out of concern for your child.

The fact is, your child can and will make lots of friends in life. She can't go out and make more parents. The parents have to be the parents for the child to develop normally and to feel safe and secure. So have fun together, bond together, and be a part of your child's life, but don't forget that you are the parent and you — and no one else — are charged with the raising of your child. It's her only chance.

But Everybody Else Gets to Do It! Coping with Peer Pressure

There are two ways to cope with peer pressure. The first way is to actively discuss the issue with your child on a frequent basis. When “everybody” else gets to go to an unsupervised party, get a new gizmo, wear clothes that look like lingerie, or stay out until 2 A.M., you can say, “I love you too much to let you do ….” As your child matures, you'll need to add an explanation so it doesn't sound arbitrary or unfair: “I love you too much to let you do … because that usually leads to … and if that happens you could be hurt or end up feeling bad about yourself. So no, you can't do that.” Explain your own thought process and logic; it's interesting to a kid who's developing her own. If your child argues, listen, and unless new information is added, such as the party will be supervised or the clothes won't be worn to school, say, “Thanks for sharing that with me. I've heard what you said: that …, but it's still not going to happen.”

The second way to cope with peer pressure is to help your child's self-esteem and positive self-concept. Encourage her endeavors, nurture her unique qualities, surround her with the alternate peer environments, and shine the light on others who have overcome peer pressure to live healthy, fulfilling lives. You might find these examples in adolescent self-help books, in the alternate peer environments, during your bonding activities, or in your immediate and extended family. The alternate environments will also diminish the impact of the dominant peer group, which are school friends.