That's about all you can do to teach values. The rest is up to the rest of the world, for better or for worse … or is it? Okay, so your kids are often surrounded by people with different values than your own. But you can still be a powerful force in making sure your kids pick up appropriate values from their environments.

What Works

Extracurricular activities that teach values effectively are more than just “basketball,” “karate,” “church camp,” and “music lessons.” That's the name of what you sign up for, but the activities don't happen in a vacuum — they are “basketball practice every day after school in a competitive league,” “karate because all of his friends are in it,” “church camp when he's the only boy in his age group,” and “music lessons that he hates and that we never asked his input on.” As you can see, kids learn more than the basic subject matter or a skill. They also learn how other people value winning and losing, how to be a part of a group, how to sink or swim as an outsider, or that their opinion doesn't really matter because what Dad says, goes.

In order for extracurricular activities to effectively teach values, they must (1) be enriching (not to the exclusion of fun); (2) form a platform for self-realization and/or self-expression; (3) be age-appropriate; and (4) incorporate the child's input. For example, it's common knowledge that music lessons do wonders for kids' cognitive development and build a foundation for healthy self-expression later in life. But if you enroll your kid in music lessons against his will, or the lessons are stiff and over his head, he probably won't get much out of them.

It also helps to challenge your child's values from time to time. Unless your teen really needs the money to get by, consider asking him to volunteer his extra time instead of getting a paying job. There are not many fast-food, retail, or other low-skill jobs that teach life lessons or impart college or career prep knowledge. Ask him instead to volunteer for a cause he's passionate about, like helping at an animal shelter.

What Doesn't Work

Commonly, the worst choice isn't which activity to choose, but how many. When public schools' budgets continue to contract, parents who care about music, sports, arts, foreign languages, and job skills find themselves trying to fulfill that need through extracurricular activities. Parents of older kids who'd just like to run track for the fun of it find they're on an all-or-nothing team, with practices every day after school and meets all day Saturday. Multiply that by the number of kids you have, and the next thing you know, every moment of every day is regimented in a military-like schedule, which, by the way, puts you in position of a taxi driver.

It may help to ask your child before signing up for programs how dedicated he'll be to a particular activity. A great number of people feel that “If you're going to do something, you'd better do it right.” While it's important to try hard and follow through with what you've registered and paid for, forcing kids into a success-oriented arts or sports program when they just want to wet their whistle may not result in the desired success — far from it. You could get increased defiant behaviors and even increased stress and anxiety. If your child is already displaying defiant behaviors, back off the pressure and consider reducing extracurricular activities to one per child.