Why Victims Don't Tell
Children don't tell parents they're being bullied for myriad reasons. Bullying is scary, humiliating, and confusing, and when it first happens, most kids aren't sure what to make of it. Here are a few of the reasons kids might be hesitant to admit the abuse to their parents:
Embarrassed at being a victim
Scared that the bully will retaliate
Thinks he must remain silent in order to belong
Feels like she did something to deserve it
Afraid you won't believe him
Worried other kids will call her a tattletale
Assumes you would expect him to tough it out
But even if your child doesn't come right out and say, “Mom, I'm being bullied,” chances are she's trying to tell you in other, less obvious ways:
She doesn't want to go to school
He “accidentally” misses the bus every day for a week
She complains of stomachaches in the morning
His grades drop suddenly and without explanation
She is “losing” belongings or they are coming home broken
He asks for more and more lunch money
She has nightmares or is becoming withdrawn
He comes home with mysterious cuts and bruises
She wants to drop out of after-school activities or sports
He skips school
She talks about or attempts suicide
Alert!
If you suspect your child is being bullied, don't beat around the bush — ask direct questions like: “Are there any bullies in your class?” “What kinds of things do they do or say?” “What kinds of kids do the bullies pick on?” “Do you feel unsafe around the kids who bully?” “Do they ever bully you?”
If your child comes right out and tells you she's being bullied, tell her that you're proud of her for telling you. This reinforces that you value having an open line of communication with her. Believe what she says, and express your gratitude that she is allowing you to help her sort through her problem. Assure her you will try to find solutions.
Don't overreact by getting upset, angry, and stressed out. If you act as if it's the end of the world, your child will sense your panic and become even more distraught. Tell her you will do everything you can to help and reassure her that you will make a plan of action together. Then quickly read the primer on how to help kids who are being bullied!
