It's weird that comedy, which in most cases is meant to make people laugh and be happy, has such a violent lexicon. Think about it — if you really connect with an audience, you “kill.” The audience laughed so hard “they almost died.” On the other hand, if the audience isn't responsive, they're “dead” or “a bunch of stiffs.” With that kind of crowd you “bomb.” Your lines failed to pack a “punch.” Rough stuff!

Well, you might as well extend the metaphor with your comedy “weaponry.” In the upcoming chapters, you'll learn lots of techniques to fully stock your armory, but for now let's look at what's already in your arsenal.

So, Tell Me About Yourself

What's your story? Did you grow up in the city, the suburbs, or the country? Were you an only child or from a large family? Were you the oldest or the youngest? Public or private school? Football hero or band geek? Everything about your upbringing will affect your comedy voice.

What are the things that make you unique? Maybe your dad was a mortician, a professional wrestler, or an ex-Navy Seal. And your mother — maybe she was an astrologer, a stripper, or a soccer mom. Were you a spelling-bee champion, a child prodigy, or an altar boy?

Audiences love hearing about things they have only experienced from “the other side.” If you say that your parents were ex-hippies who didn't believe in discipline, two things will happen: You'll instantly connect with those who had a similar background, and you'll draw in those who always wondered what that would be like. Look for the things that may seem normal to you but might be interesting to everyone else. Think about it — if a comic says he worked at Disney World while he was in college, wouldn't you be dying to find out what that's like? It's a chance to take a peek behind the scenes and find out what it's really like to work at the Magic Kingdom. Don't you want to find out what makes Goofy so … goofy?

Tell Me a Story

If you had to tell someone a funny story about something that happened to you, what story would you tell? Do you have a story that you've told before that works? Let's call it your “Date Story” — you know, that great little icebreaker you have, a story you've told lots of times and usually gets a laugh.

Maybe you've even refined your story over the years. You've cut out some parts of the story and maybe exaggerated others to make it even funnier. If you've done that, you've written comedy.

Maybe it's a favorite joke. A street joke, as comics call it, is a joke of unknown origin that just gets passed around by word of mouth. They typically fall into the “two guys walk into a bar …” or “a priest, a rabbi, and a gorilla are stuck if a lifeboat …” category. Is there a joke you've heard, liked, and repeated? Maybe you've even changed it around or added funny voices to make it even funnier. If you have, you've performed comedy. (If you haven't, don't worry — lots of comedians, including some of the funniest, can't tell a street joke to save their lives.)

The Funniest Joke

In 2001, Professor Richard Wiseman and the British Association for the Advancement of Science set out to find the world's funniest joke, After 40,000 jokes and 1.5 million responses, here is the winner: A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, “Okay, now what?” Is it the funniest joke? Is it even close? You decide.