Communication Is Key
Communication is a fine art, and some people are better at it than others; but in this situation, it is going to be a key player in the success or failure of your efforts. Communicating with your parents can seem like a daunting task, but it is something you are going to have to get really good at. If you have had a good relationship, you are ahead of the game; if is hasn't been, you will have a lot of work to do.
You will also have to have open lines of effective communication with your siblings and other family and friends along this journey. In some instances, this will be an easy task; in others it will be more difficult, but keeping everyone informed will avoid other issues along the way.
Hopefully, you are undertaking this task with your parents before any dementia, short-term memory loss, or even Alzheimer's has advanced to a point where communication is worse than it could be.
Communication is more than just talking; it is a two-way process in which listening is a major component in addition to speaking. When speaking, you need to ensure your listener has devoted her complete attention to what you have to say. Outside distractions should be avoided, and both parties should be in agreement to talk and to listen.
You need to have your thoughts in order and be ready to discuss matters at hand. Have a clear idea of what you want to say and how best to say it to your specific audience.
On the other hand, when it's your turn to listen, you need to devote your attention to the speaker and listen carefully to what she is saying. You cannot listen if you are speaking, so be sure you have given her the courtesy of hearing what she has to say before responding or commenting.
Nonverbal language plays a key role in communication as well. Body language, hand gestures, sighs, and rolling your eyes can convey much more than words at times. Pay keen attention to nonverbal cues to gage how your message is being interpreted and accepted, as well as how your own nonverbal language portrays your message.
Timing is a key element in communication. Being interrupted during an important task can be a barrier to effective communication. If, for example, you want to discuss important issues with your parents and you call during their favorite TV show, you won't have their full attention. It may seem trivial to you, but in the life of older people, their programs can be a major part of daily life. Likewise, when your mother calls you every day just as you walk in the door from work, you know how distracting this can be.
Take a moment to find out when is a good time to discuss important issues with them. Usually earlier in the day is best to have their full energy and focus, particularly if there are issues of memory loss or dementia. You may need to take a break at work and call them, or schedule a weekend visit or phone call.
How do you know that you have gotten your point across? Ask questions. Get them to repeat back what you said in their own words. This will help reinforce the conversation, especially if they have a tendency to forget easily. If it's something they need to remember and follow up with, write it down. Use a white board or chalkboard to keep track of important facts and keep it where they will refer to it frequently.
Another key point in effective communication is verifying the listener has heard what you said. No, this doesn't mean you have to talk louder, it means you have to find out if he understood your message. Just because you told him, don't expect it to be accepted and remembered. Was your information clear? Did he get your point? Is he in agreement, or did he listen politely and promptly dismiss what you had to say?
Effective communication is essential to successfully managing the care of your aging parents. It won't happen overnight. You will have to experiment to find the best ways for your individual situations.
