In determining what kind of help you need to hire or provide for your parents, begin to make a list of the things they are having trouble doing for themselves. Consider their basics ADLs and related activities:

• Dressing

• Bathing

• Grooming

• Toileting

• Walking/transferring

• Eating

• Cooking

• Medications (administration or just supervision?)

• Shopping

• Driving/transportation

• Paying bills

• General supervision

• Laundry

• Housekeeping

• Gardening, shoveling snow, pool/spa upkeep

• Handyman chores

As you list each of these categories, consider how much assistance they need now and may need in the future and how many you could combine to minimize the number of hired helpers you need. These may also be items you can delegate to family members.

In hiring help, you should have a list of duties you expect the person to perform. When interviewing, be sure you ask the potential caregiver about her experience and whether she feels confident she can perform these duties specifically for your parent.

This is important, for example, if your father is a large man who requires maximum assistance in transferring to and from a wheelchair. Can a small woman handle these physical demands? What kind of training has she had? Has she had successful experience doing this? Is your mother extremely picky and prone to be outspoken? How would the potential caregiver respond to her? Role play, and ask for references from other patients she has cared for and call them.