As you begin to make plans for hiring help or even assuming the role yourself, you need to take inventory and observe your parents' habits and activities. Don't make assumptions based on how things were when you were growing up in their home. Some things may never change, yet some things may surprise you.

For example, what things are routine? Does your mother have a specific menu she follows every week such as pot roast every Sunday, meat loaf on Monday, and baked chicken on Tuesday? Do you have those recipes, and do you know her secret ingredients or the specific techniques she uses? If she was unable to cook, could someone come close to duplicating this for her and or your dad? If you hire a caregiver who only cooks with an ethnic flair or very spicy foods and your parents are used to bland, you could find trouble brewing quickly.

• Take the time to write out favorite recipes and cooking instructions.

• Go through the pantry and make a shopping list of the specific staples they use.

• Do they use specific, brand-name items only? Will a store brand be okay?

• Put away heirlooms, antiques, and other items your parents are nervous about others using. Replace them if they are items used frequently.

• Are the appliances and cooking utensils in good condition? Replace any that are outdated, worn out, or dangerous.

• Make a list of foods they like.

• Make a list of foods they don't like or need to avoid.

• Are they particular about how things are washed, such as not putting certain dishes in the dishwasher?

• Is there a specific way they like the table set?

• Are meals at specific times such as dinner exactly at 5:30 P.M.?

Think of any other issues with meals, cooking, shopping, and the kitchen in general that should be spelled out and discussed with a potential caregiver. This will help improve the probability of your parents actually accepting help in the home.

Beyond the kitchen, think about other specifics of household chores and activities that could help the caregiver get off on the right foot. For instance, consider making the bed. Is there a special way your parents want the bed made? Are the sheets ironed and starched? Are the corners mitered? Is the top sheet tucked under or not? Do they use a bedspread everyday or do they turn the covers back a certain way?

Think about general household chores and whether your parents have particular ways of completing them. If you can't think of anything specific, consider whether they have any pet peeves and add them to your list of things to discuss with potential hired help.

The more helpful hints you can give to a hired caregiver, the less likely your parents will find problems and sabotage your efforts.