How to Handle Caring for Your Parents and Your Children
Yesterday you were happily pursuing your career, enjoying being a mother and wife, and content to know that your parents and in-laws were safe in their own little worlds of retirement and spoiling their grandchildren. This morning you were rudely awakened by a frantic phone call from your father clear across the country. Your mother apparently had a stroke this morning, and when she tried to get out of bed, she fell and broke her hip. The paramedics have just left and he's on his way to the hospital.
Welcome to the sandwich generation. You just returned from two wonderful relaxing weeks in Hawaii, and now you have to call your boss and tell her you're heading to Florida to take care of your dad and help make arrangements for your mother's future care. She's not happy, but you have no choice.
Hopefully, your situation can transition easily in a crisis. This is not always the case. Suppose your children are all younger or not so reliable. Maybe your spouse isn't so quick to jump in and help you out. Your siblings are completely disinterested and refuse to help in any way. And your boss threatens to fire you for taking more time off. These can all be real circumstances, and indeed, perhaps more the norm.
Remember, the average caregiver is a forty-six-year-old female who is married and works full time, earning $35,000 per year. She has children under the age of twenty-one and most likely both of her parents as well as her in-laws are alive and over the age of seventy.
For your own self-preservation, it would be best for you to be prepared for a crisis to interrupt your life. How do you do that?
Prepare in Advance
Talk to your children and let them know that their grandparents are aging and the time is going to come when they will need some help from all of you. It could happen suddenly and everyone is going to have to pitch in and help out. Discuss with your spouse how you might have to respond to such a crisis with your parents or his. Consider what types of arrangements you might have to make for your children and how your spouse may have to help out.
Rehearsing in your imagination how you would respond to such a situation and all of the things you would need to arrange will help you be prepared and less stressed should you actually have to face such a crisis. Think of it as a fire drill: The key to success will be how well organized you are and how easily you can delegate.
When You Are Truly Sandwiched
Once ensconced in a sandwich situation, you will need to be organized and work efficiently. You will need to make efforts to find and spend quality time with your children as well as your spouse. It is normal to put your own family first and try to minimize the time you need to spend with your parents or in-laws. Sometimes that won't be possible, as your parents' needs outweigh your family for the moment. Whenever possible, you may need to combine the time.
Take your children along when you have to help out at your parents' house. They can help with chores or keep the grandparents entertained and lift their spirits. Your spouse may be a big help in doing the grocery shopping, handyman projects, or other heavy household chores. Or he may be just the person to help entertain your father while you get some chores done or business taken care of for your mother. Enjoy your time together and thank your spouse and children for helping you.
