Correcting Errant Body Language
You've taken a good look at your body language and you see some areas for improvement. That's a step in the right direction. (Most people could use a little body-language overhaul, so you're in good company.) How hard is this going to be, and how long is it going to take? In other words, is it worth your time and effort?
How Important Is Nonverbal Communication, Anyway?
As you've read in this chapter, your body sends two messages in any interaction — one spoken, the other nonverbal. If your nonverbal cues are contradicting your spoken word, there's a very good chance that whoever you're speaking to is going to:
Be very confused
Make a mental note of the discrepancy
View you as a potentially dishonest person
Body language can be misused and/or misinterpreted depending on the person displaying the cues and the environment in which he's displaying them. Since you don't want to be the simpleton sending confusing or incorrect messages, it's worth your time to take a look at your behavior and determine what you're telling the world.
These judgments are difficult to overcome in your personal relationships. But when it comes to wooing clients and closing deals, if you can't sell yourself along with your spoken message, the clients will move on to someone else … someone who took the time to perfect her nonverbal communication.
Back to Basics
Correcting your body language may be very easy or it may be more difficult — it all depends on how established your habits are. If you're a hand-wringer (a gesture that indicates insecurity), for example, and you have been for as long as you can remember, you're going to have to find something else to do with your hands. You'll need to be vigilant and remember to acknowledge what your hands are doing from time to time. Breaking your dependence on this comfort measure is the hardest part; once you're past that point, learning to use your hands in a more effective way (to project confidence, for example) depends on how much you practice and use your new moves. Soon enough, they'll become second nature. (Tips for expressing yourself effectively with your hands are found in Chapter 3.)
This chapter has focused on the ways errant body language masks your true intentions and emotions, and how those mistakes may affect your relationships. Learning to use appropriate body language — cues that emphasize your verbal message instead of contradicting it — will not only help you in your personal relationships, but in your professional dealings as well. When you have this relatively simply information guiding you through your days, you put yourself at an advantage that many others are simply lacking. Throughout the rest of the book, you'll read about specific regions of the body, how to control the messages you're sending with your various appendages, and — just as importantly — how to decipher what other people are saying with their bodies, even when their mouths are saying something completely different.
