Not surprisingly, people have used body language since the beginning of time; however, centuries ago, few men and women understood the power of the unspoken message. Body language was an elusive part of the communication process. Spouses and lovers may have suspected that there was more to a story than what they were hearing from their mates, but they couldn’t quite put their finger on what was adding to or detracting from their conversations.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

The person credited with discovering nonverbal communication cues was none other than Charles Darwin (1809–1882), who is, of course, also credited with a few other scientific discoveries, such as that little project he called the Theory of Evolution.

Darwin was a brilliant scientist, but even so, it’s fair to question how and why anyone would believe that gestures speak louder than words. Remember, back in the nineteenth century, this was a completely new concept. In addition, during that period people were generally more reserved and didn’t express themselves as passionately and openly as people do today. So … why would anyone think that body movements were the key to understanding human behavior?

The answer lies in Darwin’s earlier work. Darwin was very interested in finding any lingering connections between humans and animals. He noted several similarities in the way humans and animals expressed their emotions through facial expressions. For example, when an animal is frightened, it almost freezes in place—its eyes are wide open, its nostrils are flared, its mouth is slightly ajar. These are all classic fight-or-flight reactions as the animal prepares to either defend itself or flee the scene. Interestingly, humans have the same type of reaction to extreme fear—their own fight-or-flight mechanism kicks in.

After making his initial links between animal and human behaviors, it wasn’t such a stretch for Darwin to theorize that by studying the actions of animals, he could learn a lot about human behavior. And so, the study of nonverbal cues was born.

Who Cares about Animal Behavior?

Animals obviously don’t have the gift of gab. They’re almost totally dependent on reading and interpreting the actions of potential predators and prey in order to survive. Humans, on the other hand, often believe that almost all communication takes place verbally. However, unlike animals, humans really do have two forms of communication going on during any interaction. You move your body as you speak, often without thinking about it, and those gestures often define the meaning behind the spoken message.

Some experts estimate that only one-third of human communication is verbal. If you ignore body language, you might be missing two-thirds of any given interaction! This doesn’t matter all that much if a person’s words and their gestures are in sync, but what if the verbal message contradicts the body language (or vice versa)? What if, for example:

• Your date is saying all the right things, but avoids making eye contact with you?

• Your accountant is tapping his feet under his desk while he tells you that your money is safe and sound?

• Your coworker calls you “Pal,” but consistently shakes your hand in a palm-down fashion?

Maybe you’re thinking, “These actions don’t mean anything on their own. I’d have to hear more of the conversation.” Well … you’ve just overlooked some classic body language cues to human behavior. By recognizing them as red flags, you might be able to save yourself a lot of grief in the long run. This isn’t to say that you should dump an inattentive date or a fidgety accountant right away, but you might want to pay attention to how the rest of the relationship is faring.

Learning the Lingo

Certain nonverbal communications are innate. They simply happen in a given situation, and anyone who’s watching you will instantly be able to read your body language because he shares the same primal instincts.

Earlier, this chapter discussed the body’s response to fear and the kinds of physical cues you might see in someone who’s experiencing a moment of pure terror (like being chased by a dog, for example, or losing control of your car). These types of responses are preprogrammed in the brain. When you fear for your life, you don’t have to stop and say to yourself, “Wow, if I could just make my eyes wider, I might be able to see any potential danger around me. And if I start breathing a little faster, I’ll put enough oxygen into my bloodstream so that I’m ready for any kind of fight!” (And if you do know someone who has to tell himself how to react to fear, maybe you should be a little afraid—of him.)

Plenty of body language is also learned from interacting with other people and mimicking what you see on TV and in the movies. As you work these learned behaviors into your everyday life, they become second nature. At that point, you use them without consciously making an effort to do so. Some examples of learned body language include:

• Batting your eyelashes at a potential mate (makes you look innocent)

• The palm-down handshake (a domineering move)

• Tilting the head (makes you look nonthreatening)

• Well-timed touches (make you seem friendly)

• Glaring at someone who’s made you angry (another domineering move)

• Widening the eyes during conversation (makes you look interested)

If you find yourself regularly leaving meetings or coming home from dates with the unshakable feeling that things just did not go well, consider the messages you’re silently sending. Depending on what you’ve been doing with your various body parts, your boss or your partner may think you’re hostile or completely uninterested in what she’s saying. Fortunately, even if you have been putting out the wrong vibe, you can learn to correct your body language. And if you’re not putting out any vibe at all, you can learn to ratchet things up so that others will take notice of you.