Turn, Turn, Turn
It’ll do you no good to make friendly chitchat with a girl if you’re facing in the opposite direction. But even if you’re facing her, putting four feet of space between the two of you will send the wrong kind of message—one that says, “I’m kind of particular about having a lot of personal space.” How is she supposed to imagine herself in any sort of situation with you if you’re doing your best to keep your distance?
Find Your Angle
Angling the body simply means positioning it in a certain direction. When you want to show your interest in another person, you angle your body toward her. For example, let’s say you’re in a bookstore perusing the cookbooks. When you pick one up, the girl standing next to you says, “You’ll love that one—it’s perfect for single guys.” You ask how she would know this, as she’s obviously not a bachelor, and she tells you that she wrote the book. You’re immediately interested in what this girl does for a living, and without even realizing it, you’ve turned to face her and are chitchatting away about slow cookers and rubber spatulas. If you hadn’t been interested, you might have turned your head briefly to acknowledge her input, but you would have kept your body angled toward the bookshelf.
Tilting your head to the side when someone else is talking is a form of angling. This shows that you’re listening intently. Combining the angling of the body with the tilt of the head sends a powerful message: “I am completely enthralled by you. Please date me.”
You can angle your legs, your shoulders, and your head—and yes, you can use them all at the same time, but let’s start off slowly here by talking about just one body part. Imagine you’re at a casual get-together, sitting with a group in the living room. The girl you’re interested in is seated to your right, but you can’t really turn your entire body her way, because it would shut out the rest of the group. Remain facing forward, but let your lower body wander over toward the right. If you’re comfortable crossing your legs, that’s an easy way to accomplish this move. If you’re not a leg crosser, then allow your right leg to stretch over toward her.
Space Case
In general, strangers try to keep about three feet of personal space between one another. Friends maintain about eighteen inches of personal space between them. At these distances, people can be near one another without feeling as though they’re being crowded. When someone steps into your personal space, you feel it. Depending on the person who’s just crossed your imaginary line, you might feel pretty excited about the whole thing or you might have the urge to establish a new area of personal space—far, far away.
You need to know how to enter a girl’s personal space without coming off as overly aggressive. If you’re in a crowded club or party, your circumstances have pretty much taken care of this for you. In fact, you could argue that plenty of couples end up dating not because they went looking for each other, but because they were forced to be near one another in a crowded space. Proximity is a powerful thing.
Once you find yourself within eighteen inches of your woman, work that body language. This is your opportunity, and you may not get it again. Make eye contact. Smile. Strike up a conversation. Tilt your head to show you’re listening. If she uses friendly touches (even if she hits your arm when you tell a joke), you’re doing all right. Keep it up.
If you’re working in an area that’s relatively uncrowded, like a dinner party, you’re dealing with a whole different ball of wax. You have to be a real artist to move into her personal space under these conditions without being too obvious about it. A good way to accomplish this is to time your trip to the bar or the hors d’oeuvres setup so that you cross paths with her.
It’s easy to find yourself in close quarters with someone else when you’re both fixing a drink or filling a plate. Be natural in your approach—ask her to pass you a lime or a napkin—before you launch into small talk. Use your charming body language to show her your interest and to keep her interested in talking to you.
Escape from Space
What if you’re on the receiving end of an invasion of space? Should you automatically take that to mean that this girl is dying to get to know you? Usually, it’s a good sign when a girl wants to get close to you, but there may be extenuating circumstances—such as in the crowded club, where she can’t be anywhere except where she’s standing. She’s physically stuck, so you’ll have to take stock of her other nonverbal cues to determine whether she’s interested or simply tolerating you until a path to the ladies’ room opens up. You know what to look for—eye contact, body angling, a genuine smile, friendly little touches, wide eyes, tilting of the head. If she’s working two or three of these moves, things are looking pretty good for you. Even if she does follow that open path to the powder room … she’ll be back.
