Getting Friendly

Man cannot date by eye contact alone. There’s obviously much more to winning over the woman you have in your sights. Women use friendly little gestures to show their interest in other people. Men are much less likely to do this, perhaps for fear of seeming too friendly. But is there a way to pull this off without becoming known as the creepy guy who’s always touching all the women? There is, but before you learn it, you must dedicate yourself to repeating the mantra less is more, less is more, less is more …

There’s a very fine line between friendly, barely there touches and inappropriate touches, so pay attention here and keep yourself on the dateable side of that line.

Touching Basics

Women almost always initiate friendly touches by lightly smacking your arm as you speak or admiring your shirt as they rub the fabric. How can you possibly turn the tables here without coming on too strong?

Very carefully. Men really have to have a reason—a good reason—to initiate the friendly touch. Buy her a drink and let your hand rub hers as you hand it over. Sit next to her and let your knee or your foot touch hers. If you’re both nondancers watching everyone else shake their groove things on the dance floor, give her a little nudge now and then to point out what a fool your best friend is making of himself.

It’s these seemingly meaningless touches that carry a lot of weight. Obviously, this can’t be your only move—you have to pair it with eye contact, proper body positioning, the right stance (all of which you’ll read about in this chapter)—but a well-placed touch or two could be the thing that makes her really take notice of your attempts.

Until you know a woman well, keep your friendly touches to a minimum. Men who touch too much are often thought of as a little creepy and predatory. She’ll understand the intention behind your reserved contact.

In the Office

Is there ever an appropriate way to extend a friendly touch in the office? Not in this day and age of harassment accusations and lawsuits. If there’s a woman in the workplace who drives you crazy, refrain from touching her except in the most necessary ways—handing her the stapler, passing her important documents, helping her up after she’s broken her heel and taken a tumble. Otherwise, keep those hands to yourself. And don’t try to sneak touches in—don’t give her a hug when she looks blue, no neck rubs when she feels tense. Even if she doesn’t mind, your boss might. And if she does mind the unsolicited massages, you’re going to find yourself in a world of trouble.

You might be disappointed, since you just read that friendly little touches are the way to cross the line from pal to potential mate. How can you be successful if you can’t use every tool at your disposal? You’ll have to do it with your eye contact and your body angling, and by using your winning personality. Take her on a date and then put your nudges and lingering touches to work.

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