The Messages of the Upper Appendages
In American culture, the arms and hands are highly expressive. Some people love to use them during every conversation, to emphasize every point, to indicate every feeling they're having at any moment. Are these cues the same everywhere, or is one man's gesture another man's insult? In this section, you'll read when it's all right to use your own handy nonverbal gestures and when you need to keep those limbs under wraps.
Armed and Ready
In some cultures, the arms are used with grace and skill to express the full range of emotions — happiness, sadness, frustration, grief, anger — while other cultures are more reserved. In these cultures, the arms are used sparingly, and never in an over-the-top manner.
The Japanese, as you know by now, are a rather conservative culture, so it may not surprise you to learn that they don't get their points across by using a lot of arm gestures. It's more important to them to get their point across in a respectful, spoken message and to keep nonverbal gestures to a minimum. In general, Asians keep their arms in front of themselves as a way to show respect to others.
In most countries, standing or walking with the arms behind the back indicates that the person is reserved and relaxed. Standing with the hands clasped in front of the body is a respectful gesture.
In a place like Italy or Latin America, however, where expressing emotion is essential to the human experience, the arms are part of even the most casual conversation. To the untrained eye, the use of a lot of arm gestures can appear to be rather aggressive, but here's where it's especially important to read the rest of a person's nonverbal cues. Is her face angry or content? Is her stance aggressive or relaxed? Assessing these gestures will give you the answers you're looking for.
Hand Me a Body Language Guide
Hand motions are one set of nonverbal gestures that might get you into trouble once you pack your bags and leave the country. There are just so many of them that we use in this culture, it's difficult to leave them behind and adapt to a whole new way of expressing yourself with your mitts. In fact, many travelers think of body language as a superficial thing. They've taken the time to learn the language of the foreign country they'll be visiting; the rest, they figure, will just fall into place.
And you wonder why Americans are always getting themselves into trouble overseas. In Chapter 1, you read that some experts in the field of nonverbal communication believe that approximately two-thirds of all communication is unspoken. If you don't take this into consideration before traveling the world, you're going to feel lost — and not because you can't follow a map, but because your behavior is bound to make you stand out as a stranger in a strange land.
If you see two women or two men holding hands on a New York street, your immediate inference is that they're a couple. But take another look — are they part of another culture? They may just be pals. In Russia, Asia, and India, friends of the same gender routinely walk hand-in-hand.
Handy Ways to Get in Trouble
Because the hands are so highly visible and because they do so much “talking,” they get a lot of attention. They might help you make some foreign friends, or they might toss you into international hot water. Consider the potential for trouble in these situations:
You're meeting with a Japanese client. You hand him your business card. He looks taken aback. Why?
You walk into an English pub and order two pints. The barkeep boots you out into the street. What have you done?
You're vacationing in Greece, watching the women on the beach.
You give one particularly beautiful lady the thumbs-up sign. She gasps, grabs her boyfriend, and the two of them begin marching in your direction. Do they want to make your acquaintance, or should you start running?
In Brazil, your pedicurist wants to know if she's done a pleasing job on your toes. You're on your phone, so you give her the symbol to indicate “Okay.” She bursts into tears. Was she hoping for a thumbs-up sign?
You've just offended four lovely people without realizing it. Your errors were:
With the Japanese businessman, perhaps you flippantly tossed the card his way. The Japanese usually pass business cards with both hands. When they accept them, it's also with both hands, and they treat them as though they're a gift.
In the pub, you made the mistake of ordering by holding up two fingers with your palm facing toward you. This is an insult, akin to flashing your middle finger, so it's no wonder you were bounced out into the night.
Your intended friendly gesture on the beach carried just the opposite message; thumbs-up means “Up yours!” in Greece (and in Western Africa, South America, Iran, Russia, and Sardinia).
In Brazil (and Greece, Turkey, Italy, and Russia), the sign Americans use to mean “Okay” is actually a grave insult. Better start gushing about how your toes have never looked better, or this girl might never return to the salon.
Are all of your favorite hand signals off-limits overseas? Of course not! You can walk around London and Paris all day long flashing people the thumbs-up sign. They may find you highly irritating, but no one's likely to take great offense at your gesture.
Shaking It Around the World
You learned the right way to shake a hand in Chapter 3. Does that translate in foreign countries or must you also rethink your business greetings once you land on foreign turf? You're wise to be so proactive, since the shake is a product of the Western world. Generally speaking, the handshake crosses boundaries of all sorts these days, with just a few modifications. In Canada, the appropriate handshake is the same as the shake you'd use in the States. But in the Middle East, it's customary to use a lighter grasp in place of the tight, firm clasp that's commonplace elsewhere in the world. This handshake also includes placing the free hand on the other person's forearm, a sign of friendliness and goodwill. Mexicans also grab hold of the other person's free arm, but they're likely to throw a hug into the greeting as well.
In China, handshakes are never shared between people from different social strata. So while it's perfectly acceptable to offer a handshake to a friend or a colleague, a laborer would never attempt to shake his boss's hand. The French shake with a quick, light grip. Germans offer a firm shake with a little bow. And speaking of bows, the Japanese do shake hands (as opposed to only bowing), but they do so with the arm extended all the way. A bow is also part of the shake.
How do you bow properly?
Bowing is a traditional greeting in parts of Asia. To execute a proper bow, keep your hands at your side; in Thailand, bow with hands in prayer formation. The deeper the bow, the more respect you show for the other person.
