Common Errors in Judgment
Here’s the thing with clothes: Personalities change. Trends change. Lives change. And yet, people somehow forget to change their clothes. Not literally, of course, but men and women get stuck in clothing ruts. They grab on to a style that works for them in college and try to pull off that same look well into their thirties and beyond. Your clothes need to change with the phases of your life, with the events surrounding you at any given moment, and with the persona you’re trying to project at any point in time.
There’s a Reason They’re Called Gym Pants
Wearing your sweatpants or pajama bottoms to the office on Saturday morning might seem like a swell idea, until—surprise!—you find that your boss is also there making up lost time, and she’s not dressed in ratty sweats and an old, stained sweatshirt. She’s wearing khakis and sneakers, which are decidedly casual but not childlike or sloppy. Her clothes are saying, “It’s not a regular workday; I’m a little more laid back this morning,” while your outfit is saying, “I could barely drag myself out of bed,” regardless of whether you’re actually working like a dog.
Some outfits send such a strong message that your body language has to work double-time to make up for the bad impression your clothing is putting forth. For example, if your boss walks past your cube and sees you sitting there in your sweats with your head in your hands, she’s going to think you’re slacking off, even if you’re simply working out a problem in your mind. However, if you’re dressed in more appropriate weekend working wear (something similar to what the head honcho is wearing), she might overlook the same behavior. Why is this? In a more professional-looking outfit, your nonverbal cues say, “I’m making an effort.” In your pajama bottoms, your body language says, “I resent having to be at my desk.” Any nonverbal cues that emphasize either notion will be duly noted.
Should people have wardrobes for each of their different personalities?
No. You just need to realize the clothing that’s appropriate in one setting or at one point in your life isn’t necessarily going to be the same clothing that’s appropriate as your life progresses, your situation changes, and your horizons expand.
Act (and Dress) Your Age
Dressing your age can be a confusing matter in this century, as we’ve gotten more and more casual and youth oriented. Back when your grandmother was in her forties, for example, she probably dressed very conservatively. These days, mothers and their teenage daughters often share clothes and no one thinks much of it, unless the mother is dressed inappropriately for the setting. Is it outrageous for a fit forty-something woman to wear a bikini in her own swimming pool? No. But will she draw stares if she arrives at her child’s school play dressed in a short skirt and a midriff-baring T-shirt? Well … yes. But why?
Baring a lot of skin says, “Come and get me,” whether or not your nonverbal cues back up that message. Society tends to accept this from younger women, who are biologically programmed to attract a mate and procreate with him. Once she’s done that, she’s supposed to want to cover herself up, stop trying to draw the attention of males. An older woman is viewed—biologically speaking—as less fertile and possibly less healthy. For these reasons, she isn’t the ideal candidate for propagating the human race and is seen as less desirable. And lest you think that only average women come under fire for this sort of thing, a thirty-something celebrity was recently criticized in a fashion column for wearing a miniskirt and a baby T-shirt. The writer claimed the woman is “too old” to be showing so much skin, even though her physical appearance hasn’t changed drastically in the last ten years. Is this prejudice or prudent advice?
A recent UCLA–University of Wisconsin study found that young women who are nearing their menstrual cycle will often dress to attract the attention of men. Not all women opt for low-cut blouses and thigh-high skirts, however. Some simply add accessories that sparkle (like big earrings or a rhinestone-studded belt) to make themselves more visible to the opposite sex.
From Outsider to Insider
No one’s saying that it’s fair for others to judge you and your nonverbal communication by the way you’re dressed; it’s just the way the world works. Don’t take this information as some sort of advisory to change everything about yourself, but do think about it whenever you feel like you’re on the outside looking in, a situation that can easily occur when you’re dressed differently from everyone around you. In these instances, you’re viewed as an interloper of sorts. Some people might view you as a threat, others may think you’re a loose cannon, and some may relegate you to the “not worth getting to know” category.
In order to make a good first (and lasting) impression, your attire needs to be sending the right signals. Think of your outfits as “frozen gestures” that send the same message all day long. What do you want your clothes to say about you?
It’s not easy to defuse these types of judgments unless you understand them and work against them by using friendly and confident body language. Show others that beneath your outfit lies a heart of gold, and they’ll eventually come to know and accept you for who you are. And of course, there’s always another, easier possibility: dress appropriately for the setting or occasion. Don’t think of this as being untrue to yourself, but as making your life a little easier.
