Can You Raise Your Kids?
It is definitely possible to be a good parent and have arthritis. First and foremost, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to do all that you can do to improve your own health. Approach your health situation positively and effectively and do the same with parenting.
You will learn many lessons while living with chronic arthritis — lessons about the disease and lessons about life. When your children are old enough to understand, explain why Mom or Dad is sick some of the time in terms they can comprehend. Encourage questions and don't be afraid to answer honestly. The more comfortable your children can become with your new reality, the less they will focus on unrealistic fears (e.g., that you're going to die soon). Just as you relaxed the more you learned about arthritis, your kids should be given the same opportunity to learn.
Being the Parent You Envisioned
As a parent, you may feel inclined to make up for being sick by pushing beyond your physical limitations. You may neglect your own health and fail to conserve needed energy.
It's often said that quality time is what counts between a parent and child; it's the time spent together that matters. If you can no longer throw a football with your son or sew doll clothes for your daughter, think of all the things you can still do. Start by eating dinner together every night. Then think of other activities that bring you and your child together but are not physically draining for you such as watching TV or movies together, taking the dog for short walks together, and working on puzzles or playing board games.
Question
How can I keep pace with my children like I did before I was diagnosed with arthritis?
Don't try to do what you no longer can do at the expense of your health. If your children observe that you are adjusting and adapting to the reality of your physical condition, they will naturally adjust and adapt as well.
Finding the Balance
You must find the balance between family time and time you need for yourself. Your parenting skills will suffer unless you take the time needed just for you. Whether the time is spent going to doctor appointments, going to exercise class, going for a massage, or getting your hair done, that time is for you to improve your health or just relax and destress. Consider spending equal amounts of time on your family and on yourself. That balance may work to keep you from feeling overwhelmed by having a chronic disease, a job, and a family, all of which need your attention.
Adjust the time spent on each so that you feel none of your responsibilities is neglected and you are not neglecting yourself, either. You can do it if you set your priorities and remember you are one of those priorities.
