Alleviating Conflicts and Disruption
Ask anyone who has ADHD or lives with someone who does and you'll probably get the same response: At times, it can seem like adult ADHD is synonymous with conflict and disruption. The disorder often creates nonstop chaos and havoc in practically every area and aspect of the home, turning what should be a relaxing escape for family members into a never-ending battlefield.
The Star in Her Own Soap Opera
One reason so many adults with ADHD are routinely mired in conflict is that one symptom of the disorder is a compulsion to create chaos as a substitute for excitement and drama.
Fact
In their attempts to stir up the dust so they remain the center of attention, ADHD adults often fabricate problems and dramas that are not one-act plays but rather convoluted, long-running soap operas that repeat themselves over and over again as problems and issues change size or shape but never seem to reach any real resolution.
Families can pull the plug on ADHD-inspired soap operas by sitting down with a family therapist and getting to the bottom of why the ADHD adult feels compelled to spin out soap operas. Once the sufferer and her family members understand the emotional voids the dramas are intended to fill, they can help boost her self-esteem, increase her confidence, and replace her energy-draining dramas with more productive activities that can strengthen, rather than deflate, her resources.
Understanding and Recognizing the Root of Mood Swings
In addition to her constant need for drama, an ADHD adult is also likely to suffer from periodic or chronic mood swings. It's important for family members to understand that these mood swings are often not connected to or triggered by a particular event or person, but may be the result of neurobiological imbalances, waxing and waning medication levels, side effects of medications, dietary triggers, and coexisting depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder.
Essential
ADHD adults are often extremely sensitive to criticism and may put up a wall to protect them from what may feel like a never-ending barrage of criticism. Having disappointed many people over the years and been told countless times they are unpredictable, unreliable, or unproductive, they may react to similar complaints from family members by withdrawing or lashing back.
Many ADHD adults exhaust themselves trying to cope with a never-ending daily parade of symptoms, which can also make them feel helpless, scared, and hopeless.
A family therapist can work with family members and the ADHD adult to take a closer look at mood swings, help isolate likely triggers, eliminate possible causes of these mood swings, and educate the family about mood triggers that may not always be treatable.
Letting Go of the Past
Many ADHD adults live with perpetual feelings of guilt and shame about failures in the past, even if their failures were triggered by undiagnosed ADHD symptoms and not caused by a lack of motivation, laziness, or disinterest. Like a broken record, the song of “failure” replays itself over and over again and often drowns out present-day successes and accomplishments.
By working with a family therapist, family members can help the ADHD adult understand that, until she stops dwelling on past failures and begins to live in the present, she will never be able to replace her gloom-and-doom with feelings of contentment and happiness. Once she realizes it's impossible to undo the past and that the more she is keeping negative thoughts alive by dwelling on them, an ADHD adult can bury the past and open her eyes to the many possibilities, opportunities, and avenues for joy that exist in the present.
