The core symptoms of adult ADHD — inattention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and disorganization — can manifest in a wide variety of challenging behavior patterns, thinking patterns, and communication problems. Any or all of these symptoms can come between marital partners or lovers who are trying to communicate, get along, or make love. It may sometimes seem as if there's a third person in the room.

Reining in Inattention

Because most ADHD adults are easily bored by things they don't find fascinating or relevant, everyday tasks such as taking out the garbage or changing the light bulbs may remain undone.

Inattentiveness may also manifest as being unable to focus on paying bills on time, being unable to read unspoken cues, or failing to notice when something is wrong. At times, they may come across as self-centered, self-absorbed, and disinterested in everything but themselves. Here are some strategies couples can use by mutual agreement to help an ADHD partner stay focused.

Help the ADHD spouse or partner stay focused by assigning him household chores and tasks he enjoys and does easily.

Keep your spouse organized and on time by writing down important tasks and chores on Post-It notes, bulletin boards, or elsewhere so he sees the same message several times in the house.

If inattention makes it difficult for your spouse to stay focused during lovemaking, remove anything distracting from the area, whether it's extraneous noise like overly loud music or TV or distracting scents like overly strong perfume. Remember that what might seem exciting or arousing to a non-ADHD spouse can easily distract someone with adult ADHD because of their hypersensitivity to sights, smells, sounds, textures, and touches.

Keep things interesting in your relationship. ADHD adults thrive on variety and newness and tend to wander (emotionally and mentally) when things get boring. To keep things from getting stale in the bedroom, experiment with different positions or try a different room. A little variety will go a long way toward spicing up a relationship.