Maintaining Healthy Relationships
A recovering addict, who has spent most of her past time with “using” friends, or at least friends sympathetic to addictions, may feel uncertainty about what defines a healthy relationship. For someone new in recovery, caution is in order.
When drastically changing one's course in life, it is a temptation to want to lean on others. It may still be difficult to know whom to trust. Someone who appears extremely nice, helpful, and compassionate may be exactly that, or he might be co-dependent and interfere with the difficult work recovery will take.
Essential
Learn to have fun without addictions. This may be a challenge, but it's an excellent way to begin cementing healthy relationships. Games without gambling, healthy foods, and soda rather than alcohol really can be enjoyable. There may be old friends that were bypassed when addictions took over that would be willing to reconnect over healthy fun. Invite them over!
Romantic relationships, in particular, should be avoided when one is new in recovery. The emotional highs of new romance may even feel comparable to the high of addictions. One's judgment about relationships may not be trustworthy in this state. Even new friendships can take a lot of time and energy to develop and may detract from recovery efforts.
The mantra for a newly recovering addict is wait, be patient, and work toward a healthy, solid recovery. Only when a person is healthy herself will she be ready to recognize and participate in new, healthy relationships.
What about dating someone in the support group?
Although this sounds like a good idea since that person understands what it's like to struggle with addictions, in reality, it is unlikely to support recovery for either party. Problems due to an overly dependent relationship, a shift in focus from recovery to the other person, and replacing the euphoria of addiction with the euphoria of a new relationship all spell danger for healthy recovery.
Someone who has been heavily involved in an addictive lifestyle for a long time may not feel comfortable with her own identity, much less learning that of a new person. However, the desire to leave the old, addictive lifestyle and the insecurities that may exist in moving forward can leave a person quite vulnerable. Any friendly person might appear to be just what is needed.
Fresh recovery is often a time of loneliness. A person has left behind “using” friends, but may not have yet developed healthy friends. This interim period is fragile and needs to be handled as such. It should be used to strengthen recovery efforts, to evaluate personal goals, and to find peace within oneself.
