The ideal situation for friends and family whose loved one has a problem with alcohol addiction is for the addicted individual to recognize his own problem and initiate treatment himself. If an alcohol-addicted person isn't ready to admit to his problem, it can be very frustrating for others who care about him. Friends and family members may feel helpless or even hopeless. However, there are things to do to be helpful. Don't underestimate the power of social and family influence.

So how does one talk effectively with an alcohol-addicted person? First of all, choose the right time. The right time is when the person confronting the situation can remain calm and when the addicted person is sober. Angry and aggressive confrontations only tend to teach the alcoholic to stay away and avoid “discussions.”

Second, work to establish trust. This is often a key missing element in families or social circles where alcoholism is present. “Say what you mean, and mean what you say” is a worthwhile admonition to remember. Positive feedback that is direct, honest, and based in fact is helpful. The person addicted to alcohol needs to hear in a respectful, non-aggressive manner how his addiction is affecting those around him.

Negative feedback that includes accusations and blame often results in the alcoholic retreating into denial and rationalization. One may feel a need to present consequences. For instance, one might state as a consequence that the alcoholic will have to clean up her own vomit. This can be effective, but make sure that no consequences are presented if there is no intent to carry through. Consequences without follow-through are only threats, and the person making the empty threats will lose credibility in future interactions.